the reluctant cheerleader

Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. But my brothers are as undependable as intermittent streams...  --Job 6:14-15

This perfectly sums up my feelings on the situation.  But to provide some context, let me ask you a question: Do you find yourself doing something, not because you like/enjoy it, but because you're just naturally good at it?? This is how I find myself when it comes to encouraging others because I am convinced that that is one of the roles I have been assigned in this life. The reason I call myself reluctant is not that I don't like supporting my friends--or even perfect strangers--but that more often than not, the love isn't returned.

Apparently, I'm feeling [a mere fraction of] Job's pain on this because it's definitely a conundrum.  On one hand, you take the word friendship seriously; you're down for whatever, ride or die, an ace in the hole--all that good stuff--or risk flying in the face of God.  But on the flip side, your 'sisters' are straight up flaky.  When you wanna vent about a bad day at work or you need a hug because you had an argument with your significant other, where are Toni, Joan, Maya... the girlfriends? In my experience, they appreciated my proactive gestures of caring but seldom returned them.  I mean, if we don't talk unless I call to say say 'Hi', are we truly friends?  If I'm constantly encouraging and praying for you through your grad school stress or season of unemployment, I don't think it's too much to ask to holla back every now and again. I'm just sayin...

But I also realize that God grants people different 'gifts' which are just that: meant to be given and not necessarily returned. Over the years, I've gotten so frustrated by friends' inability to do what came so naturally to me.  And sometimes I would lash out or just cut them off as the ungrateful wenches they were.  But the funny thing is that I always find myself doing it again.  Does that make me a glutton for punishment?  Perhaps.  It seems that I've been blessed with a high tolerance for punishment, then.  And if that is my service to humanity... well, gosh darnit, I guess I just gotta suck it up and keep cheering people on!

That sucks. :o/  Oh, well!  I'll just add this to my list of complaints to nail to the cross I'm voluntarily carrying for Jesus' sake.  He did so much more for me.  Goooooo, TEAM JESUS!

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