Welcome to my corner of the universe to share thoughts, inspirations, and questions that arise while on my journey for Jesus. My goal is to encourage, provoke and relate to others in the body of Christ but since I'm a young, single woman, a good bit of what I say will reflect that perspective. We're all in the same struggle but hopefully some of this Holy Hotness can edify (and entertain) us along the way.
Showing posts with label single Christian women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single Christian women. Show all posts
That's the first word that comes to mind when, as an outsider looking in, I witness the kind of women around me who are already married. I'll be the first to admit that the saying is true: Comparison is the thief of joy. But at the same time, I ask myself "Is that how I have to be to get a ring??" I mean, women who can't/don't cook; women who are overbearing and bossy; women who are not even slightly... well, I'll leave that one alone since I'm being judgmental enough.
The nature of my comments betray the fact that I am ultimately judging myself. By comparing the things that I can/will do in a marriage to the things that [some] married women can't/won't, I am saying simply this: Well, what's wrong with me??
Don't get it twisted, though--I am well aware of the fact that people get married for all the wrong reasons. Simply walking down the aisle is the easiest part of what should be a life-long commitment to love and to cherish. But all I'm saying is, this is something of a 'wake-up' call regarding my ideals vs. the realities of marriage. I have absolutely NO right to say who deserves to be proposed to [even though I have definitely questioned why some women did #realtalk], but I now realize that things I thought were supposed to be requirements are not necessarily even priorities. Makes me wonder what the odds are of getting hitched to a man who doesn't care how I look, or what I say, or if I can keep house.... cuz I know some sistas who definitely hit those jackpots! But I digress...
It's these kinds of superficial ramblings that fill my head; clearly not the kind of content I want to make a habit of posting. But I guess I'm sharing this because I view it as some sort of revelation. I don't have to be the Proverbs 31 woman to get a husband!! But then that begs the question: What kind of man would I get?
Yes, I know I wrote on this already, but as a single, Christian woman, this topic will stay on heavy rotation here until I get married, so yeah... If you're tired of reading my rants, PRAY for God to get my hubby to me quick, fast, and in a hurry!
So I was watching a message by Bishop T. D. Jakes when the following statement stopped me in my tracks: "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing..." Not a woman with wifey material or who will be given wifey status.... Any man can find a woman but the 'good thing' comes in finding A WIFE! As in this woman is found already in the state of wifeliness (yes, there's a red line under the word... you know what I mean).
wait....... what?!!
image courtesy of http://gifs-for-the-masses.tumblr.com
Well, whaddya know?! All this time, I've been thinking that dude had to find me first, and then the magic of matrimony would help me magically transform myself into the mythical "P31 Woman". :facepalm: CLEARLY, I was mistaken about the order of the universe and my intended role in it because apparently I gotta be bout dat life before hubby even shows up! Talk about a game changer...
OK, so now what do I do??! Simple--just start being a wife. Right. -_- For real tho, Bishop Jakes was using this example to demonstrate how faith works. You know... the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (also the scripture that people like me spit from memory and have no freakin' clue what it actually means! #truestory). So the saying "fake it 'til ya make it" is the closest thing to being truth, in this case. I have to carry myself as if I already got a ring on it... NOW! Do I have a user manual for that? Heck naw, so I guess I gotta be 'creative'.
I haven't really figured out what that's gonna look like for me, but I'll be sure to blog about it when I do. Are there any women reading this now who have adopted a similar strategy? Care to share notes on what you've done or what you're doing now? What worked and what didn't? I am SO open to hearing what y'all have to say so don't hold back!
Happy Friday once again! I had a busy week with some special events
going on at work, but all's well that ends well. :o) I think it's
especially fitting to end the week with a special reminder.
There's always a lotta hype in the air surrounding the word 'love' and I've just barely begun to scratch the surface on that... but Lisa McClendon points us in the right direction with a song that asks a rhetorical question: Who Can Love You More [than God]? Well... Got a list of names, yet? Yeah, me neither.
And as a nod to the one who loves me the mostest *smile*, He directed me to this song at a time when I really needed it. This was like a surprise bouquet of flowers for my ears and I'm sharing it with you--particularly if you're a single, Christian woman wondering if God has left you by the wayside in your blissful state of singleness. Savor this for all it's worth as Lisa puts it down, Jill Scott-style.
Please be advised that I will be discussing genitalia, sexuality, and other topics that may be considered 'offensive' to some. While it is not my intent to offend, the following post will contain my undiluted and unapologetic opinions on sensitive matters. Consider your sanctified self warned!
Happy Friday [in advance]--I'm definitely getting it in early this time!
This chune is timely because, as of late, the general struggle with temptation seems to be in the air. I've vented on it already and I've seen some others online mention it, too. So this one is going out to all of us that need a spiritual boost in that area.
Temptation, by Shei Atkins--the self-dubbed "Ghetto Princess"--is the second track I ever heard by her waaaaaay back in the day while I was in college, and it was like an instant punch to the gut. There are those gospel music artists who say they keep it real... and then there are those who actually do. Shei brings it raw--listen in at 1:32; you'll know what's up--because that's exactly how most of our emotions and experiences feel when we're going through our struggles that we think nobody else understands. For me, this song sparked an instant reaction of, "Did she really say that?!! But for real though... that sounds just about right."
I guess by now I've hyped it enough so with no further ado, lemme fling some Temptation at yuh.
That's part of the hook from Tony Toni Tone's infamous couple's anthem Anniversary. [But those of you, like moi, who came of age during the 90s glory days of R&B probably already knew that.] I'm listening to the song--for the first time in years--as I type, out of cruel irony more than anything else. This song is more like my 'anti-soundtrack' because even though today actually is my anniversary, July 9th marks a dreaded milestone in my life: yet another year of singleness.
I don't have the intestinal fortitude to confess exactly how long it's been since my last relationship ended; since the last time I was kissed or even held. *long exhale* Just the thought of it is beyond [clinically] depressing. But this morning I told myself that I wasn't going to let the 'cloud of July 9th' overshadow my entire day, as has happened in the past. I opened my Bible to the book of Job because, in all honesty, I figured I could only make it through the day by reading about someone whose life sucked exponentially more than mine [yes, cruel and unusual--I know--but hey, it worked]. After meaningful meditation on real suffering in life, I skipped right over to Psalms since I was guaranteed to find something reassuring there. I did. By the time I closed my Bible, the joy of the Lord truly was my strength, and my mantra, at that moment in time.
Though my world tends to revolve around me and my issues, I have to remind myself that it truly is NOT about me. The story of Job reminded me, yet again, that it's not what we do--or don't do--that determines what happens to us. It was because Job was an upstanding man that Satan dared God to allow him to attack his faith in God and strength of character. I'm not trying to say that I'm on Job's level but we both question[ed] the fairness of God's actions while remaining true to our belief that He ultimately knows what is best. What if my suffering singleness is for a greater purpose than I can grasp right now? I mean, Job's life story is still inspiring me and countless others thousands of years after he ceased to exist. Suppose this tear-laced blog post can let just one other woman know that it is possible to be single/abstinent and keep your sanity--even if by just a thread... is it worth my anguish?
I want to believe that the answer is "yes". I also want to believe that, just like Job, I will be compensated for my pain many times over and testify to the world about where God brought me from. The truth is that I'm also scared to death that I won't get to exhale after waiting for so long. But if I say that I trust Him, I'll have to do just that--TRUST HIM.
Earlier tonight, I was watching a news special on the biology behind "love" and how we decide on one person over another. It followed some couples who met through a dating website; one of the four couples hit it off [but there was no mention of a proposal.] Marriage didn't enter the conversation until they highlighted one Indian couple living in America—she was 29, he was 30. Both said that they stayed single for so long because they couldn't find "the one". Part of their traditional culture is to have their parents play 'matchmaker' and choose a potential spouse for them. Each person had their own ideals and priorities for a mate and their families [back in India] basically used classified ads in newspapers to narrow down the candidates. When someone was found to look promising, one family contacted the other and if they met each others' expectations, the hopeful couple is then introduced. This is probably the simplest way to describe what happened but within 10 days of meeting, they decided to get married. And all the while, they had not even kissed yet!
The news reporter commented that this whole 'arrangement' business is such a foreign concept in America. But the practice was defended by the logic that your parents/family know you better than anyone else and have your best interest at heart. Since marriage binds families as well as individuals, it would make sense for both sides to invest in the couple's happiness [and ultimately their own]. Lord knows how nasty inout-laws can be!
This situation immediately reminded me of the role that God plays as the ultimate 'matchmaker' for us as single Christians. Instead of prowling around with our checklists for the perfect man/woman, we should leave that completely up to Him. Now, I'm not saying that we can't have personal preferences because different traits are attractive to different people, but the point is to not get hung up on "absolutes/deal-breakers". #preachintomyself #helpmejesus The ONLY thing I will NOT compromise is that my husband must be a born-again Christian who is committed to serving the Lord... but I digress. *sorry; back to what I was saying*
Not only does He have our best interests at heart, He actually knows the future. God knows the full potential of the purpose that He created us to fulfill, and we can easily jeopardize our kingdom business by getting mixed up with the wrong spouse. In a random conversation with a sister who recently got married and had a baby, she enlightened me to the fact that a marriage is an oath—a contract—presented before God. And that that union belongs to Him, first... then to the husband and wife. I had never really thought of it that way before, but it lines up with the Word kinda like this:
wives submit to husbands + husbands submit to Christ = marriage submitted completely to Christ #winning
Of course, that only works if EVERYONE is doing their necessary submitting...
I must say that I was impressed with the concept of Indian arranged marriages—especially the reported statistic of only 5-7% of them ending in divorce. [However, I take those numbers with a grain shaker of salt because I know that women are subject to harsh laws and repressive socioeconomic conditions in certain countries.] The American rate, even in the church, is about 10 times that. But the thing that left the greatest impression on me is when the woman being interviewed said that she had not yet kissed the man to whom she was about to pledge eternal commitment. To me, that signifies complete faith in her parents' choice, even in the realm of marital intimacy. For me, I would have to at least 'test the waters'... What?! I meant kissing.... #realtalk. But on the other hand, I aspire to reach that level of confidence where I surrender all—romantic desires included—to my heavenly Father. After all, He knew me from within before my mother's womb, then proceeded to make me fearfully and wonderfully. Something tells me not to worry because the Lord has an eye for [even the most minute] details...
I remember singing this song back in Sunday School as a child and it just came to mind after many, MANY years as I'm thinking about how to start this post. For those who don't know it, it's simple:
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see (x2)
For the Father up above is looking down in tender love
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
And it goes on with "ears/hear" and "hands/do (or touch)".
Even now that I'm "grown", this song provides crucial directions for stayin' saved in this here world we're livin' in... especially now that it's summer blockbuster movie season. I've not been going to the movies much in the last several months and that's [somewhat] intentional. I'm sure you feel me when I say that most of the offerings on the big screen are not exactly Christian-friendly, so the only option to safeguard my "little eyes (and ears)" is usually to skip it altogether.
My [personal] general rule of thumb is no R-rated flicks; but I make rare exceptions for the sake of history or culture (i.e. Gladiator, Troy, For Colored Girls, etc). Why? Well, it may not be that obvious to some but movies in that category are there for pretty much 3 reasons: profanity, sexually explicit content or brutal violence (the real hum-dingers have all 3). So that makes my main concern intentionally exposing myself to "spiritual toxins". The Word tells us to avoid evil in all its forms, AND to keep our minds on spiritual things. Call me super spiritual if ya wanna, but I'm not really seeing how a Christian can consciously do that while watching stuff like The Hangover, any of the Saw series, or Love and Other Drugs. (Yes, I know these scriptures should be applied to all facets of our lives but I'll just stay focused on movies for the sake of this post.)
This is an active battle for me, because I've had to pass up several movies with friends--saved and unsaved--who didn't understand why I wouldn't go. I have a tendency to internalize things mentally so when I can't get a song outta my head, I mean it literally. The same goes for movies in that a scene will replay itself involuntarily in my mind's eye, with surround sound. For that reason, I have taken to heart God's commandments about guarding my 'gates' and this has forced me to be extra vigilant about my entertainment choices.
For example, whether I'm in a theater or having a Blockbuster night, I will not watch a make-out/sex scene. Even romantic comedies get the side eye from me. Why? I'm SO glad you asked, so I'll ask you a question in return: Let's say you've been wanting to travel to an exotic place for years but the status of your visa application was indefinitely in-process. Would you taunt yourself intentionally to test your willpower? Well, that's kinda how hot-and-heavy scenes on-screen play out for saved, single, ol' me. And in case ya missed it, I'm using the "visa application" metaphor to represent my prayerful petition to God to unite me with the husband that He has for me, but apparently He's still "processing" my request... and me, for that matter. So for me to watch others [kinda sorta but not actually] doing it on screen is like me being a mouse and setting up a nice, cheesy trap for myself. Seriously, who does that?! After all, I'd hate to have something like this happen:
The same goes for violence and profanity. Cursing is not part of my vocabulary--except for those rare occasions in rush-hour traffic (help me, Jesus!!), so why would I pay to hear someone else do it?! Although I have heard one Christian woman admit to dropping f-bombs because she's not 'religious', yet she assured me that she doesn't go around cursing like a sailor, I see no way to justify a child of God using nor consciously entertaining such language. And then there are your die-hard fans of slasher [and Quentin Tarantino] flicks. How do you guys sleep at night?? No, really?! The last horror movie I saw was the very first Final Destination and I could barely keep my seat. Is it not pure evil for human beings to devise horrific ways to dismember each other, and equally so to be entertained by such? (That's not a rhetorical question, I really want to know!) A Christian friend invited me to go see 300 and I was interested in the actual storyline, but I punked-out because of the gory war scenes.
So as we're making our lineups of summer flicks, let's stay mindful that the impact of our entertainment doesn't stop when the lights come back on in the theater. I'll be posting my list soon and you all are welcome to share your 'must-sees' with me, as well.
Sooooo, for some strange reason, I'm going hard on this poetry/spoken word vibe at the moment. I've written only two pieces in my lifetime and performed just one of them, but I can definitely appreciate creating AND enjoying a lyrical masterpiece.
For the last year or two, I've been following P4CM--the Passion for Christ Movement--out of California, and their spoken word ministers are OFF... THE... CHAIN! I stumbled Tumbl'd upon this piece right here and I think that by the time it was done, I had to manually close my mouth. This chick spoke directly to me as if she knew where I lived and had the spare key to my car! It's directed towards the multitude of us single, saved sistaz--Lord knows it's hard out here for a virtuous chick.
With no further ado, I give you Janette...ikz performing I Will Wait for You:
Yeah, I know what you were thinking humming in your head! Beyonce and her infamous song have nothing to do with this... She's married for crying out loud! But that's a rant for another day. For the rest of us who are earnestly waiting and praying for God to direct us to the men of valor we deserve, the journey is not fun. But every now and then, I get some spiritual 'steroids' to boost my faith and willpower. This piece was really inspirational, so I'm more than happy to share with you the poem There's Nothing Like a Man of God, by Annette M. Parrott:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's nothing like a Man of God
We all bemoan the plight of our men
Fewer in college than in the pen
The good we question the bad we don't think odd
But there's nothing like a man of God
The statistics I admit do look grim
They'd have us believe that the pickings are slim
But don't you dare believe that facade
He's a good man if he's a man of God
The Casanovas get all sorts of play
We vie for their affections, willingly become prey
They leave our hearts broken, torn and charred
When there's no one more loving than a man of God
We're blinded by ballers, shot callers and blings
Measuring his value through material things
Our superficial ways of thinking we should really discard
There's no one worth having, unless he' a man of God
We alter ourselves in fear he will leave
With surgeries and chemicals, acrylics and weaves
But your appeal is your virtue, which he holds in high regard
There's no one more appreciative than a man of God
His tone authoritative yet gentle and warm
He'll edify your spirit and speak you no harm
Whether times be good or times be hard
There's no one more supportive than a man of God
He's moral, and faithful delighting in the Lord
Equipped with breastplate, shield, helmet and sword.
Your chastity he will champion your heart he will guard
There's no one more honorable than a man of God
His prayerful countenance, enveloped in grace
You feel the love of the Father, in his look and embrace
Mended are all emotions that before him were marred
There's no one more attractive than a man of God
He'll bind you even closer to God with his glue
Forsaking all others and clinging to you
He won't leave you broken or hurt or scarred
There's no one more tender than a man of God.
With God's love on his visage, God's reflection in his life
Your greatest blessing may be becoming his wife
If you're feeling me sisters, then give a nod
Cause there ain't nothing on this earth like a man of God.
