Wednesday, May 25, 2011

"prayer" IS the prayer of my heart

Lately, my prayer life has been, how should I put it? Ummm... a mess.  To be honest with myself, and you, AND God, I would have to say that my conscious desire to pray was gone. Yes, I can hear you gasping but the fact of the matter is that I've been going through a "valley" experience--known to most as "the Process" (more to come on that soon)--for a while now, and this realization basically took me to the lowest point of it. The scary part is that I was more bothered by the fact that I was supposed to miss talking to God than actually missing it. Basically, my mind was saying "Girl, aren't you a child of God? Isn't Jesus your Savior, anymore? Well, why aren't you acting like it?! You KNOW you're supposed to pray without ceasing!" [1 Thes. 5:17]; but my flesh was saying "Why bother? You're not hearing from God, anyway... Just 'go through the motions' but don't expect any miracles."

My friends, THAT is a scary place to be--mentally AND spiritually--especially for one who professes faith in Christ. I was feeling the general descent impacting other areas of my life over several months, but having that internal conversation really shook me up. Over this period of time, I did ask God to give me [back] the desire to pray but the gravity of the situation didn't take effect until the beginning of this week.  I stayed home from church with the intention of spending time alone with God because there are some times when I just can't be around people. I didn't want any noise or distractions--just me and my Creator.

That's when my eyes landed on a book that sat dusty and unused among all the others: Understanding the Purpose and Power of Prayer by Dr. Myles Munroe.  When I cracked the cover, I saw my mom's handwriting showing the year 2004--that's when we were supposed to go through it together but I never finished. But I started it again that Sunday morning with renewed fervor.  I am now on a "suicide mission" to reach my God-given prayer potential--I'm gonna get it this time around, even if it kills me [figuratively speaking, of course... too much prayer ain't neva killed nobody!]

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I'm still on chapter 1 but I'm progressing slowly, yet surely. It's a great feeling to be back on track towards that intimate communion we have been offered by God, Himself! I'm asking for your prayers as I continue on this journey towards salvation--and take you along for the ride through this blog! 

In the meantime, I stumbled on a song in Pandora that captured me the first time I heard it--More Than Anything by Joann Rosario Condrey. What enticed me first was the music, then Joann's vocal flow on top of it. But it wasn't until today when I had it on steady repeat for about 30 minutes, that I realized this was actually a psalm; by MY definition - a prayer set to music. And this morning, I made this psalm my heart's prayer as I resolve to rebuild intimacy with Jesus.  


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