Saturday, June 30, 2012
something is wrong [confessional]
In the last few weeks, I've noticed a spike in certain behaviors that I know have some issues behind them: online shopping and [emotional] eating. (I would've included lustful thoughts in the mix, but those seem to never completely go away. #FAIL) It's no secret that these kinds of things are used to mask some underlying problem; I just don't know what that problem is. Or maybe I do know what it is but I just don't want to admit it. Because if I do that, then I'll have to give it to God... and leave it there... leave myself exposed... exposed to exchanging my 'security blankets' for God's love and having to trust that it's [more than] enough to meet my needs.
That's scary... even for someone who has been 'saved' as long as I have. How pitiful is that? *sigh* I'm gonna fast tomorrow--no solid food until the sun goes down. And by that time, I hope I would have put to rest whatever's eating at my soul. Recently, I got a hint that God has a major breakthrough coming my way, so it shouldn't be surprising that I feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden. The night is always darkest before the dawn... Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning...
By dawn on Monday morning, I pray that my fast would have brought me God's peace about what happened, is happening, and will happen in my life. Your prayers in agreement are also appreciated. Amen.