Thursday, October 10, 2013
strength = weakness
Being strong is a blessing and a curse. When you're like me--so used to being the support system for others, or nobody ever sees you sweat under pressure--people think of you as invincible... when the complete opposite is the truth.
They figure, "She's tough, nothing gets under her skin!" When, in actuality, I made my own skin tough as leather to protect the tender heart underneath. Truth is, I find it therapeutic to help others through their issues because it helps me take my mind off of my own. But what disturbs me is when I do reach out for help--as rare as that may be--somehow I expect my peeps to show that they care just a little bit more... but I'm almost always left wanting in that regard. I've expressed my distress, so should I really have to ask you to give just a little more of a damn?? And this is supposed to be my 'inner circle'... SMH
Sounds like I've just got some sucky friends... or is this just par for the course when you've been blessed(?!) to help bear the burdens of others? I dunno, but I feel like this outer layer of toughness needs to be peeled off one way or another. I just gotta figure out who I can let close to me if I'm gonna leave myself so open......
to be continued?