Sunday, January 20, 2013

#feelinginadequate < #Godsgrace

I didn't want this to be a "woe is me" post, rather an explanation of why I haven't been posting regularly for the last few months.  Earlier, I mentioned taking some time off for personal development--and that's what I did (but not really).  I also shared about the downward slope I was sliding on and the fact that I was [not proud about being] just all up in my flesh.  I've been getting my mail in an emotional, spiritual and mental abyss for a minute; it's been ugly.  And that's the reason why I've been so quiet here... I haven't felt worthy of writing here.

Yeah, it's my blog and I don't owe anyone anything here, but my intention has always been to remain true to God and myself, and in so doing, to my readers.  Welp, I've been truly a mess and nobody likes to put their dirty laundry on blast.  But what I'm learning through all this is the significance of God's grace.  All while I was scheming and plotting my way into some epic mischief, He never left me to be undone my own devices.  Believe me when I say I was actively trying to have my "good Christian woman" card revoked, but as the song goes, God blocked it.  Yes, people--God is the ultimate blocker. After my failed attempts, I was finally able to pick my common sense up off the floor and dust it off to realize that He was working behind the scenes to save my [spiritual] behind at the expense of my flesh.  It hurt like hell to not get what I wanted, but what softened the blow was knowing that I was rescued from a LOT more pain down the road if I had succeeded in my schemes.

Soooo, what now?  Since I learned my lesson [hopefully], I'll be working on strengthening my relationship with Him.  After all, any relationship can only be successful if both parties are putting in work.  I was slacking up big time, but God pulled my weight and His.  I'm gonna work on returning the favor.  I know that I'll have my moments and slip up every now and then, but the difference is that I'm in a better head space.  

Thanks for hanging in there with me and for keeping me lifted up during this difficult time.  I've learned a lot about myself and my God, so the struggle was worth it.  It's not over but I'm headed back in the right direction... I hope you'll stick around for the ride.

covered by His grace,


  1. We are all flawed and we all make mistakes. Learning from them is what life is all about. Don't be to hard on yourself. Good to have you back :)

  2. Thanks, OtC... it's good to be 'back'!