Sunday, January 20, 2013
#feelinginadequate < #Godsgrace
I didn't want this to be a "woe is me" post, rather an explanation of why I haven't been posting regularly for the last few months. Earlier, I mentioned taking some time off for personal development--and that's what I did (but not really). I also shared about the downward slope I was sliding on and the fact that I was [not proud about being] just all up in my flesh. I've been getting my mail in an emotional, spiritual and mental abyss for a minute; it's been ugly. And that's the reason why I've been so quiet here... I haven't felt worthy of writing here.
Yeah, it's my blog and I don't owe anyone anything here, but my intention has always been to remain true to God and myself, and in so doing, to my readers. Welp, I've been truly a mess and nobody likes to put their dirty laundry on blast. But what I'm learning through all this is the significance of God's grace. All while I was scheming and plotting my way into some epic mischief, He never left me to be undone my own devices. Believe me when I say I was actively trying to have my "good Christian woman" card revoked, but as the song goes, God blocked it. Yes, people--God is the ultimate blocker. After my failed attempts, I was finally able to pick my common sense up off the floor and dust it off to realize that He was working behind the scenes to save my [spiritual] behind at the expense of my flesh. It hurt like hell to not get what I wanted, but what softened the blow was knowing that I was rescued from a LOT more pain down the road if I had succeeded in my schemes.
Soooo, what now? Since I learned my lesson [hopefully], I'll be working on strengthening my relationship with Him. After all, any relationship can only be successful if both parties are putting in work. I was slacking up big time, but God pulled my weight and His. I'm gonna work on returning the favor. I know that I'll have my moments and slip up every now and then, but the difference is that I'm in a better head space.
Thanks for hanging in there with me and for keeping me lifted up during this difficult time. I've learned a lot about myself and my God, so the struggle was worth it. It's not over but I'm headed back in the right direction... I hope you'll stick around for the ride.
covered by His grace,