"wifey material", eh?

Ask any guy what he looks for in a future wife and you'll get answers that are as unique as the guy. However, for Christians it's a bit 'easier' to get an idea of what your husband will want because we have a template to follow; a prototype, if you will. *enter superwoman Proverbs 31 woman*

Sooo, yeah... I'll be the first one to admit that reading this particular scripture doesn't exactly sound like my bio (notwithstanding the parts about husband and children). Even though my blog title and personal handle--peculiar VIrtue--both nod in that direction, I realize that I have a lot of work to do before elevating myself to P31 status.

I was talking to a friend over the weekend (who also happens to be a single, Christian woman in her late 20s) and she said, "I just want to be married." This was nothing surprising as I've thought the same thing countless times. In fact, she's the second friend of mine in about 10 days to use that phrase, verbatim. And while I would normally chime in "Me too!" or "I feel you, girl!", this time I took pause. My response this time was, "Yeah, but would I make a good wife?? I dunno..." In my unwillingly lengthy season of singleness, I've had lots of time to take notes and make observations on the wisdom shared by others--married and single. And one concept that has resonated with me comes in the answer to the following question:

Are you the [kind of] person that you would like to be married to?

#realitycheck   I think of who a Christian man would want to call his wife and immediately my mind races to Proverbs 31. I have made countless checklists and re-evaluated deal-breakers when considering who I want to marry but what about me? If I made a checklist out of this scripture, how would I fare? What about you? That's legit, though!

My friend was being supportive [I think...?] when she answered me by saying "I think you'd make a good wife. Then again, I've never tasted your cooking!" I wasn't even mad at that because, truth be told, I'm no Martha Stewart. I love to eat but I hate to cook--straight up! So when verse 15 says that she gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family, I know that I can't mark that off the list. Even my mom fusses with me about not liking to cook; last time she asked, "Are you and your husband gonna just have sex all the time and not have any food in the house to eat?!" I'm like, "Hey! That sounds like a plan!" *rawr* But for real, tho...

On the other hand, I know that I am wise, practical and responsible, so that makes a couple of verses fall in my favor. Some of the other things will reveal themselves once I'm married; such as displaying respect for my husband and caring for our children. But am I really ready to take on all that right now? Like, NOW now?? *sigh* If I'm any kinda honest, the truth is 'probably not'. The good part is that I can [continue to] work on character building. Taking short-term steps towards a long-term goal will help me prepare to earn P31 status.

So the next time a sex- and/or relationship-deprived state of mind drives me--or you--to utter those words, "I just wanna be married!", it may help to re-direct and say "I just wanna be a P31 woman!"

Be blessed,
p[soon-to-be 31]VI

Confessions of a glossy-lipped Christian

A couple of years ago when all the tweens were possessed by a lip gloss craze, I scoffed and thought 'how juvenile'.  It was things like colorful tubes of Lip Smackers that drew my disdain [not the brand, but the teeny-bopper image that surrounded it]. Little did I know that I would eventually cave in and drink that Kool-Aid (with the evidence on my lips to prove it)!

image credit: http://amandasboutique.org

Don't get me wrong, I've never been a hater of lip gloss.  In fact, I recall wearing it in high school and sometimes in college.  But I graduated to lipstick for special events and would only top it off with gloss for shine.  It was while in college that I started hearing all the hype about MAC lip glass but I wasn't buying it--literally.  I mean, I was on financial aid and sho nuff didn't have $14 to waste spend on one tube of lippy.  But one day I felt like splurging and my curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to get the shade Oh, Baby.... aaaand, that was it! My lips loved it and so did I.  So guess what got added to my 'can't-live-without' list. ;o)  

image credit: http://www.beautystat.com

Now, I'm being a bit more frugal mature about my spending and searching for comparable quality at lower prices, and I've happily settled on 2 gloss brands for the time being: Milani and Rimmel.  For the latter, I've fallen in love with the Stay Glossy line with my recent  intro to the shade All Day Seduction (coral shimmer).  There's no fruity scent--it's actually rather dull-smelling--but the quality makes up for that.  It has lots of shine but isn't very pigmented so several coats are needed to get full color.  And here's the kicker: it's only $5!  I'd say I did very well for myself so now I'm sharing the wealth with you all. :o)

I don't consider myself a 'gloss-ista' in the least, but my face feels completely naked without having something on my lips--even clear shea butter lip balm, if nothing else. Something about smooth, shiny lips just makes me feel 'girlie', in a sense.  I only wear skirts to church or other special occasions, high heels don't make my feet happy, and my daily makeup regimen is minimal: foundation, eyebrow touch-up and liner in the corners...maybe mascara if I'm feelin' fancy.  So when I get to accentuate a positive feature with something as 'neutral' as lip gloss, I feel like my feminine side gets a much-needed boost.

As a Christian woman, I find it challenging to turn on my girlie swag without being provocative.  Fashion trends usually cater to the modelesque [read "size 2" girls], and don't take religion/morality into consideration.  So my usual shopping trip requires overlooking low-cut tops and skin-tight/short-short bottoms in favor of something modest--but still cute.  Always a challenge because I'm not tryna make things any harder for my brothers in Christ! [Yeah, I said it!]  And then there's the fact that that I'm far from skinny, so "skinny jeans" present an oxymoron for me... but praise the Lord for some lip gloss! 

To the ladies: Any favorite lippy brands that you'd like to share?  Any other tips or ideas for Christian feminine expressions?

To the fellas [who actually read this far!]: What are some clothing, accessories or other accentuations that catch your eye on a lady of God?

Can't wait to hear back!

pVI

Arranged Marriage

*originally composed January 30th, 2009*

 

Earlier tonight, I was watching a news special on the biology behind "love" and how we decide on one person over another. It followed some couples who met through a dating website; one of the four couples hit it off [but there was no mention of a proposal.]  Marriage didn't enter the conversation until they highlighted one Indian couple living in America—she was 29, he was 30. Both said that they stayed single for so long because they couldn't find "the one".  Part of their traditional culture is to have their parents play 'matchmaker' and choose a potential spouse for them. Each person had their own ideals and priorities for a mate and their families [back in India] basically used classified ads in newspapers to narrow down the candidates. When someone was found to look promising, one family contacted the other and if they met each others' expectations, the hopeful couple is then introduced. This is probably the simplest way to describe what happened but within 10 days of meeting, they decided to get married. And all the while, they had not even kissed yet!

The news reporter commented that this whole 'arrangement' business is such a foreign concept in America. But the practice was defended by the logic that your parents/family know you better than anyone else and have your best interest at heart. Since marriage binds families as well as individuals, it would make sense for both sides to invest in the couple's happiness  [and ultimately their own]. Lord knows how nasty in out-laws can be!

This situation immediately reminded me of the role that God plays as the ultimate 'matchmaker' for us as single Christians. Instead of prowling around with our checklists for the perfect man/woman, we should leave that completely up to Him. Now, I'm not saying that we can't have personal preferences because different traits are attractive to different people, but the point is to not get hung up on "absolutes/deal-breakers". #preachintomyself #helpmejesus The ONLY thing I will NOT compromise is that my husband must be a born-again Christian who is committed to serving the Lord... but I digress. *sorry; back to what I was saying*

Not only does He have our best interests at heart, He actually knows the future. God knows the full potential of the purpose that He created us to fulfill, and we can easily jeopardize our kingdom business by getting mixed up with the wrong spouse.  In a random conversation with a sister who recently got married and had a baby, she enlightened me to the fact that a marriage is an oath—a contract—presented before God. And that that union belongs to Him, first... then to the husband and wife. I had never really thought of it that way before, but it lines up with the Word kinda like this: 

wives submit to husbands + husbands submit to Christ = 
marriage submitted completely to Christ  #winning

Of course, that only works if EVERYONE is doing their necessary submitting...

I must say that I was impressed with the concept of Indian arranged marriages—especially the reported statistic of only 5-7% of them ending in divorce. [However, I take those numbers with a grain shaker of salt because I know that women are subject to harsh laws and repressive socioeconomic conditions in certain countries.] The American rate, even in the church, is about 10 times that. But the thing that left the greatest impression on me is when the woman being interviewed said that she had not yet kissed the man to whom she was about to pledge eternal commitment. To me, that signifies complete faith in her parents' choice, even in the realm of marital intimacy. For me, I would have to at least 'test the waters'... What?! I meant kissing.... #realtalk. But on the other hand, I aspire to reach that level of confidence where I surrender all—romantic desires included—to my heavenly Father. After all, He knew me from within before my mother's womb, then proceeded to make me fearfully and wonderfully. Something tells me not to worry because the Lord has an eye for [even the most minute] details...

Be blessed

pVI

Fashion-Inhibited??

Does being born-again stifle your swagg? Do you find yourself pouting after having to put a cute garment back on the rack because no matter how you try, you just can't justify wearing it and claiming to be a self-respecting Christian woman? How do can you reconcile your fashion sense with your faith? Even though I have a repressed fashion identity (more on that later), I often remind myself that I'm representing God first--then myself. How can we represent as women of God? Let's dig in to the Word of God for guidance.

If we model ourselves after the quintessential Proverbs 31 woman, we can safely say that being virtuous doesn't equate being draped in burlap bags because "she makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple." [emphasis added by me]  Now, I've never studied fashion history, but I'm thinking that "fine linen and purple" just may have been the Gucci and Prada of the day. On the other hand, Paul admonished female worshipers to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes. Quite the contradiction, eh? But let's chop up these scriptures under the lens of context to gain a little more clarity.

King Lemuel's words to his son about the kind of wife he should search for were all-encompassing; the apparel took up only one of 21 verses. But it shows us that of the many virtues a virtuous woman should have, pride in her appearance still made the list. Why? Because she was a reflection of her husband. Now Paul's words were offered in the context of decorum for a place of worship. Of course, that didn't mean that all rules went out the door once church was over but these instructions were basically an episode of What NOT to Wear... to church. And, if I may interject my personal opinion, I'm thinking that cultural standards of that location at that time in history probably equated "dressing up" with flaunting an extravagant lifestyle as opposed to just looking good for goodness' sake. Remember Jesus' words about the camel, the needle eye and the rich man? It was repeated in 3 of the 4 gospels--Matthew, Mark and Luke--so we better listen up.

After all that, do we have any clearer directives on how we should carry ourselves? Yes--if we keep some broad themes in mind:

1. The way a woman dresses represents her husband, as well as herself. Until I get married, my husband is Jesus Christ. I can be wearing a t-shirt with a big 'ol cross on the front, but if it's cut-up to show my navel/cleavage or if my shorts look like underwear... umm, FAIL. Of course, that's an extreme example but let's think of it like this: God is a jealous God [husband] and He makes it known! Whenever I get dressed, I need to consider whether or not my outfit--as fly or frumpy as it may be--will bring negative attention to me or to Him.
2. As Christians, worshiping with others is (or at least should be) a big part of our lives. But somehow, the "Sunday best" tradition evolved around clothing and spiraled out of control; not just recently, but even back in New Testament times. Assuming that a richly-dressed woman drew a sharp contrast to the rest of the congregation in Paul's day, we can infer that she stood out for the wrong reasons. So let's flip the script on this one to extract a deeper meaning: don't let your brothers and sisters in Christ see more of your exterior than your interior (your true Spirit). So I could ask myself, Am I known more for my willingness to serve or for my Christian Louboutins? Can the leadership count on me to be on time and in place for rehearsals and services or do I have a reputation for being [literally] fashionably late?

People, let's not get it twisted: a woman of God can and should invest in her appearance. Giving the appearance of super spirituality by making skirts drag on the ground and leaving faces, ears, neck and fingers bare is NOT a good look--neither to the unsaved whom we are trying to reach, nor to God. But we must always be mindful that people in the world may never set foot in a church and we could be the only image of Christ that they ever see. Is your image swagg reflecting the light of the World?

be blessed!
pVI