"virginity" vs. "God" on Grey's Anatomy

I've been a die-hard Grey's Anatomy fan from the jump... and I'm still a Christian (imagine that!).  If you're not familiar with the show, it's about a group of young doctors working their way up the ranks of their medical careers, along with all the drama that swirls around in their lives while they do this.  Honestly, I like the medical content more than anything else but the characters have sucked me in. And I blame Shonda Rhimes for that, but anyway...  Something specific in the episode that aired last week, Let the Bad Times Roll, seriously disturbed me so I decided to chop it up here.

One character, April Kepner, stands out from the rest [at least, she did, until last week] as the only virgin in the group of mostly promiscuous physicians.  She confessed this one or two seasons ago but I don't recall if she ever shared why she never had sex up to that point.  Welp, fast-forward to the present where all of the young doctors travel to take their board exams and--to make a long story short--April gets drunk, gets aggressive, and gets laid (by one of her colleagues).  To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement... not just at the fact that she gave it up so casually, but her [physical] demeanor right after the act was portrayed in a way that I found to be simply unrealistic.

I was pissed off enough up to that point, but when April is shown coming to grips with her actions the next day--of her board exam--she becomes completely hysterical... and then starts talkin' bout Jesus... something to the effect that she had remained a virgin because she loved Jesus and now that she is no longer one, Jesus no longer loved her.

Now let me make it clear--I fully understand the guilt and shame that comes with doing something sinful and feeling like you let God down.  My angst is directed towards the scriptwriter [once again, that would be Shonda Rhimes] for playing the "J card" now that April did something 'wrong', as opposed to mentioning April's Christian convictions from the jump.  And to add insult to injury, April later delves into a monologue in which she basically questions why she even had said convictions to begin with. *spoiler alert*  Finally, she discovers that she's the only doctor of the group to fail the boards.

April's end result said one thing to me--and possibly to other viewers, as well: God punished her [i.e. "no longer loved her"] for losing her virginity outside of marriage.  Am I saying that God doesn't exact consequences for breaking His rules?  Not at all.  Do I think that this obviously non-Christian TV show should have used this opportunity to show an example of God's grace and mercy?  Possibly.  But the major bone I have to pick here is that Jesus was used as the 'fall guy'.  He is wrongfully accused by April on account of her own guilty conscience, after which she essentially dismisses her faith in Him and then she fails the biggest exam of her life (and that's His fault too, obviously).  How convenient to leave the Lord out of the picture until things start going wrong and then highlight His ineptitude/vengeance.  Seriously...

Pray Together

I claim no rights to this image... except the right to dream; to pray; to declare with authority that this masterpiece by Kevin "WAK" Williams completely encapsulates my vision of love and marriage.  It is 'the prototype', as far as I'm concerned.

Around my 3rd year of college, I discovered Pray Together, Stay Together and it left me absolutely breathless.  I had not too long before broken up with the love of my life for one reason: spiritual incompatibility (and the cruel irony is that he and I visually resemble this couple).  [Re-]dedicating my life to Christ during a long-distance phase in our relationship made me realize that my boyfriend wasn't about to ride on that journey with me.  It was heart-breaking to end what felt like the best thing to ever happen to me, but I had to prove to God that HE was more important to me than him.  I Kissed Dating Goodbye helped my emotional transition, leading to the next promise I made to God about relationships [the previous one being that I wouldn't have sex until marriage].  I said "God, I trust that You know and want what's best for me. So I want You to choose my next relationship--the one that will be equally [spiritually] yoked and culminate in marriage, until it is broken by death."

So that was *ahem* a long, LONG time ago... #becarefulwhatyouprayfor!  And in recent times, I've become overwhelmed by longing for this person to whom I will become friend/wife/lover/helpmeet, to the point that I've been contemplating getting back with [wait for it...] that same old boyfriend.  Makes perfect sense, right?!  I hold out for years with great expectations of God's best, only to figuratively return to my vomit...  And then I would proceed to entertain that flesh with fantastic scenarios in my mind delicious enough to make my body temperature rise. *slams on spiritual brakes*

OK God, You ain't sayin' nuthin' and I am SO over this waiting business! So, you better give me a man, or a hint--or sumthin' like, yesterday--or else I'm gonna... I'm gonna... do something stupid that You'll I'll regret!!! And then I'll just ask beg and plead for forgiveness like nothing happened.  That is what You do, right?? [Just in case you missed it, that was me threatening God with an ultimatum. Right.]

And what happens next? Just like magic God in all His awesomeness, the following messages supernaturally make their way to me:

Hint #1 - Affirmative prayer via e-mail from my (single) friend and leader of a women's prayer circle containing the following excerpt:

Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me....Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me.

Hint #2 - Sermon audio clip shared by another (single) friend: The Making of a Woman by Pastor Jeffrey Johnson

Hint #3 - Q/A Tumblr post by Jed Brewer: Why is Sex Before Marriage Wrong?

So I've 'heard' from God... What happens now?  I wait some more.  I trust even more.  I pray--a whole lot more!  Because the image above is emblazoned across my consciousness, I won't can't accept anything less, no matter how baaaadly I want to.  God knows that in my heart, I want to adhere to His design for marriage and His perfect will for my life, so I believe that He will honor this in spectacular fashion!  He will orchestrate my discovery as the missing rib to the man who has prayed and fasted for me.  He will guide us together in a moment where our spirits will embrace each other before our bodies have even touched.  And once our bodies do touch for the first time on our wedding night... *mmh* we will be asking begging Him for mercy as our bond of emotional intimacy is sealed in ways we didn't know were humanly possible!  

But once the honeymoon subsides and real life sets in, our spirits will continue to commune with each other in the presence of almighty God.  We will storm the gates of hell in prayer and fasting because this man understands and walks in authority as the high priest of his home!  We will plead the blood of Jesus over our children, families and friends.  We will serve faithfully in our church and community, sowing into the lives of others.  We will be an exponentially greater threat to satan together than we ever could have been individually.  Shoo, we will even pray for God to keep us from killing each other on those 'off' days when he's not feeling me and when he's getting on my last nerve.

But until all of this comes to pass, I will continue to pray.  Then, he and I will pray--together... and stay together.  In Jesus' name, AMEN.

in prayer for him,

pVI

the reluctant cheerleader

Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. But my brothers are as undependable as intermittent streams...  --Job 6:14-15

This perfectly sums up my feelings on the situation.  But to provide some context, let me ask you a question: Do you find yourself doing something, not because you like/enjoy it, but because you're just naturally good at it?? This is how I find myself when it comes to encouraging others because I am convinced that that is one of the roles I have been assigned in this life. The reason I call myself reluctant is not that I don't like supporting my friends--or even perfect strangers--but that more often than not, the love isn't returned.

Apparently, I'm feeling [a mere fraction of] Job's pain on this because it's definitely a conundrum.  On one hand, you take the word friendship seriously; you're down for whatever, ride or die, an ace in the hole--all that good stuff--or risk flying in the face of God.  But on the flip side, your 'sisters' are straight up flaky.  When you wanna vent about a bad day at work or you need a hug because you had an argument with your significant other, where are Toni, Joan, Maya... the girlfriends? In my experience, they appreciated my proactive gestures of caring but seldom returned them.  I mean, if we don't talk unless I call to say say 'Hi', are we truly friends?  If I'm constantly encouraging and praying for you through your grad school stress or season of unemployment, I don't think it's too much to ask to holla back every now and again. I'm just sayin...

But I also realize that God grants people different 'gifts' which are just that: meant to be given and not necessarily returned. Over the years, I've gotten so frustrated by friends' inability to do what came so naturally to me.  And sometimes I would lash out or just cut them off as the ungrateful wenches they were.  But the funny thing is that I always find myself doing it again.  Does that make me a glutton for punishment?  Perhaps.  It seems that I've been blessed with a high tolerance for punishment, then.  And if that is my service to humanity... well, gosh darnit, I guess I just gotta suck it up and keep cheering people on!

That sucks. :o/  Oh, well!  I'll just add this to my list of complaints to nail to the cross I'm voluntarily carrying for Jesus' sake.  He did so much more for me.  Goooooo, TEAM JESUS!

image credit: http://www.letterripdecals.com

people SUCK! *rant*

Genesis 6:6 [New International Version (NIV)]

⁶ The LORD regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.

The God in me completely relates to this; I understand why He regretted making humans because I've had just about enough of "us". In the last 48 hours, I've had 3 separate encounters with human beings that have made me want to relocate to another universe. "We" are a buncha self-absorbed, power-hungry, irresponsible shmucks and I've had enough! AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

God only knows that it's His grace--and concern for making HIM look bad--that kept me from completely popping off on these people... praise the Lord for the anointing of restraint!!

If only I could fast from people! Oh, to be completely alone [with God] and not have to put up with anyone else's flaws but my own--and that's plenty. Lord, please send me a human-proof bubble in which I could envelop myself... to communicate with only You and bask in Your presence. *sigh*

Sooo, my 'ex' is now my 'friend' on Facebook O_o

*semi-rant*

How did this happen?! Oh yeah, a long time ago before he joined FB, invites were inadvertently sent out to all my email contacts. Apparently, he signed up today--I know, right? After all this time--and accepted my friend request. I'm still tryna figure out how to feel about that.

I swore up and down that he was 'the one'. I still remember the flutters in my stomach and the goofy smile on my face when I told him I love you for the first time; just like it was yesterday. Apparently, God knew better... He and I were out of touch for a few years and I actually liked it like that because it meant less opportunity for me to watch re-runs of our relationship with my mind's eye. Now, out of the blue *BAM* right in my face. I literally felt the air get sucked out of my lungs when I read the notification that he accepted my friend request.

*sigh* I give up, Lord--this is all just a bit much.

Stuck in a rut

Dear journal blog [that is publicly visible on the internet]:

I think I need an intervention. Lately, things have been duller than a baby spoon--you know, the kind that's rubber-coated so it won't cut the baby's toothless gums. Yeah, that.  I'm not old enough to be having a mid-life crisis, so can I call it a "late-late-20s imbroglio"?  Mmmmm, imbroglio... love the way that rolls off the tongue!  Sounds kinda like a decadent Italian dessert; except it actually means:

1. a misunderstanding, disagreement, etc., of a complicated or bitter nature, as between persons or nations.

2. an intricate and perplexing state of affairs; a complicated or difficult situation.

3. a confused heap.

That sounds just about right!

Can I be real with you? Like, seriously?? *sigh*  I am SO over this place in my life and ready to move on, already!! It feels like--what's that movie?--where the same day is re-lived over, and over, and over, and over again. For me, it's more like nothing significant has changed in the last couple of years and I'm just simply existing. That's it. Nothing exciting or noteworthy comes my way anymore; just the same ol'...whatever.  I can't help feeling like I'm running on a hamster wheel when I should be driving a Kia Soul. Umm, no not really, but this gets the point across:

Ohh-tayy, that's my unintentional plug for Kia rant for now. I stayed up WAYYY too late to write this and I'ma be a sleepy wreck at work *yawn* but I just felt the need to vent. Just another day on the wheel....