Know Your Role!

*originally composed on 9-1-08*

If this post had a soundtrack, it would have to be I Anoint Myself by Pam Kenyon and Fred Hammond (found on the WOW Gospel 2001 album).

I question God... a lot. That may sound blasphemous coming from a self-proclaimed Christian but can I just keep it real? I often wonder what plan God is unfolding before my eyes when things just don't seem right/fair/sensible. I have so many questions floating around in my mind, I don't even know what to say right now.

This is just me needing to 'vent', I guess. Every now and then, I get a little bent out-of-shape and my faith takes a beating. Then I realize that God owes me NOTHING! No explanation, no grace, no forgiveness... nada. This recurring revelation usually comes from the book of Job. Chapter 38 [NIV] shows God's interestingly sarcastic answer to all of Job's--and my own--whining; The Message translation sounds especially stank by breaking it down in contemporary English. God checks him like this: 

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?... Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place? ... Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this... Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!

Ummm, wow.... It's like the Most High just basically gave Job a divine taste of the Rock's catch-phrase: Know your role... and shut your mouth! At this point, all I have to do is ruminate on the Scripture and it puts me back in check.
But back to Job. The man was blameless--precisely why he was chosen to be an 'example'. Throughout all of his outcries of anguish, he remained righteous in God's eyes. When will I gain the type of faith to say Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him... I know, I know--I gotta EARN that type of faith, because it's impossible to please God without it.

*sigh* So here I go. After a nice, hot serving of God's sarcasm, it's time for me to woman-up and get back to the good fight of faith! The enemy NEVER takes a day off... as children of the Most High, neither can we afford to.

Stay blessed,

pVI

"prayer" IS the prayer of my heart

Lately, my prayer life has been, how should I put it? Ummm... a mess.  To be honest with myself, and you, AND God, I would have to say that my conscious desire to pray was gone. Yes, I can hear you gasping but the fact of the matter is that I've been going through a "valley" experience--known to most as "the Process" (more to come on that soon)--for a while now, and this realization basically took me to the lowest point of it. The scary part is that I was more bothered by the fact that I was supposed to miss talking to God than actually missing it. Basically, my mind was saying "Girl, aren't you a child of God? Isn't Jesus your Savior, anymore? Well, why aren't you acting like it?! You KNOW you're supposed to pray without ceasing!" [1 Thes. 5:17]; but my flesh was saying "Why bother? You're not hearing from God, anyway... Just 'go through the motions' but don't expect any miracles."

My friends, THAT is a scary place to be--mentally AND spiritually--especially for one who professes faith in Christ. I was feeling the general descent impacting other areas of my life over several months, but having that internal conversation really shook me up. Over this period of time, I did ask God to give me [back] the desire to pray but the gravity of the situation didn't take effect until the beginning of this week.  I stayed home from church with the intention of spending time alone with God because there are some times when I just can't be around people. I didn't want any noise or distractions--just me and my Creator.

That's when my eyes landed on a book that sat dusty and unused among all the others: Understanding the Purpose and Power of Prayer by Dr. Myles Munroe.  When I cracked the cover, I saw my mom's handwriting showing the year 2004--that's when we were supposed to go through it together but I never finished. But I started it again that Sunday morning with renewed fervor.  I am now on a "suicide mission" to reach my God-given prayer potential--I'm gonna get it this time around, even if it kills me [figuratively speaking, of course... too much prayer ain't neva killed nobody!]

Photo credit to http://www.blackchristianbookcompany.com

I'm still on chapter 1 but I'm progressing slowly, yet surely. It's a great feeling to be back on track towards that intimate communion we have been offered by God, Himself! I'm asking for your prayers as I continue on this journey towards salvation--and take you along for the ride through this blog! 

In the meantime, I stumbled on a song in Pandora that captured me the first time I heard it--More Than Anything by Joann Rosario Condrey. What enticed me first was the music, then Joann's vocal flow on top of it. But it wasn't until today when I had it on steady repeat for about 30 minutes, that I realized this was actually a psalm; by MY definition - a prayer set to music. And this morning, I made this psalm my heart's prayer as I resolve to rebuild intimacy with Jesus.  

Selah.
pVI