In the last few weeks, I've noticed a spike in certain behaviors that
I know have some issues behind them: online shopping and [emotional]
eating. (I would've included lustful thoughts in the mix, but those
seem to never completely go away. #FAIL) It's no secret that these kinds
of things are used to mask some underlying problem; I just don't know
what that problem is. Or maybe I do know what it is but I just don't
want to admit it. Because if I do that, then I'll have to give it to
God... and leave it there... leave myself exposed... exposed to
exchanging my 'security blankets' for God's love and having to trust
that it's [more than] enough to meet my needs.
That's
scary... even for someone who has been 'saved' as long as I have. How
pitiful is that? *sigh* I'm gonna fast tomorrow--no solid food until
the sun goes down. And by that time, I hope I would have put to rest
whatever's eating at my soul. Recently, I got a hint that God has a
major breakthrough coming my way, so it shouldn't be surprising that I
feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden. The night is always darkest before
the dawn... Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the
morning...
By dawn on Monday morning, I pray that my fast would
have brought me God's peace about what happened, is happening, and will
happen in my life. Your prayers in agreement are also appreciated. Amen.
