Stuck in a rut

Dear journal blog [that is publicly visible on the internet]:

I think I need an intervention. Lately, things have been duller than a baby spoon--you know, the kind that's rubber-coated so it won't cut the baby's toothless gums. Yeah, that.  I'm not old enough to be having a mid-life crisis, so can I call it a "late-late-20s imbroglio"?  Mmmmm, imbroglio... love the way that rolls off the tongue!  Sounds kinda like a decadent Italian dessert; except it actually means:

1. a misunderstanding, disagreement, etc., of a complicated or bitter nature, as between persons or nations.

2. an intricate and perplexing state of affairs; a complicated or difficult situation.

3. a confused heap.

That sounds just about right!

Can I be real with you? Like, seriously?? *sigh*  I am SO over this place in my life and ready to move on, already!! It feels like--what's that movie?--where the same day is re-lived over, and over, and over, and over again. For me, it's more like nothing significant has changed in the last couple of years and I'm just simply existing. That's it. Nothing exciting or noteworthy comes my way anymore; just the same ol'...whatever.  I can't help feeling like I'm running on a hamster wheel when I should be driving a Kia Soul. Umm, no not really, but this gets the point across:

Ohh-tayy, that's my unintentional plug for Kia rant for now. I stayed up WAYYY too late to write this and I'ma be a sleepy wreck at work *yawn* but I just felt the need to vent. Just another day on the wheel....

"prayer" IS the prayer of my heart

Lately, my prayer life has been, how should I put it? Ummm... a mess.  To be honest with myself, and you, AND God, I would have to say that my conscious desire to pray was gone. Yes, I can hear you gasping but the fact of the matter is that I've been going through a "valley" experience--known to most as "the Process" (more to come on that soon)--for a while now, and this realization basically took me to the lowest point of it. The scary part is that I was more bothered by the fact that I was supposed to miss talking to God than actually missing it. Basically, my mind was saying "Girl, aren't you a child of God? Isn't Jesus your Savior, anymore? Well, why aren't you acting like it?! You KNOW you're supposed to pray without ceasing!" [1 Thes. 5:17]; but my flesh was saying "Why bother? You're not hearing from God, anyway... Just 'go through the motions' but don't expect any miracles."

My friends, THAT is a scary place to be--mentally AND spiritually--especially for one who professes faith in Christ. I was feeling the general descent impacting other areas of my life over several months, but having that internal conversation really shook me up. Over this period of time, I did ask God to give me [back] the desire to pray but the gravity of the situation didn't take effect until the beginning of this week.  I stayed home from church with the intention of spending time alone with God because there are some times when I just can't be around people. I didn't want any noise or distractions--just me and my Creator.

That's when my eyes landed on a book that sat dusty and unused among all the others: Understanding the Purpose and Power of Prayer by Dr. Myles Munroe.  When I cracked the cover, I saw my mom's handwriting showing the year 2004--that's when we were supposed to go through it together but I never finished. But I started it again that Sunday morning with renewed fervor.  I am now on a "suicide mission" to reach my God-given prayer potential--I'm gonna get it this time around, even if it kills me [figuratively speaking, of course... too much prayer ain't neva killed nobody!]

Photo credit to http://www.blackchristianbookcompany.com

I'm still on chapter 1 but I'm progressing slowly, yet surely. It's a great feeling to be back on track towards that intimate communion we have been offered by God, Himself! I'm asking for your prayers as I continue on this journey towards salvation--and take you along for the ride through this blog! 

In the meantime, I stumbled on a song in Pandora that captured me the first time I heard it--More Than Anything by Joann Rosario Condrey. What enticed me first was the music, then Joann's vocal flow on top of it. But it wasn't until today when I had it on steady repeat for about 30 minutes, that I realized this was actually a psalm; by MY definition - a prayer set to music. And this morning, I made this psalm my heart's prayer as I resolve to rebuild intimacy with Jesus.  

Selah.
pVI

 

I'm on Tumblr, y'all!

Not sure where that Southern twang came from, but it just sounded right... when I said it in my mind... because everyone says stuff in their heads before they type it... right?? O_o

Anyways, so yeah--I went and got me a Tumblr! Why, I dunno yet but it seemed like a good idea at the time. So here goes: http://holyhotnessbypvi.tumblr.com/ .

It'll probably have the same content that's here, but with some other off-the-cuff stuff thrown in for good measure.

Stay blessed

pVI

Belated birthday thankfulness

My birthday is this month. As a gift to myself, I told myself that I would start a 'journal of thanks'. It would be a running chronicle of every blessing that I am thankful for; most likely there would be some back-dated entries to cover past major blessings. It's been almost a week and I have yet to crack the cover of the journal to write a word... but today I started a blog instead. Go figure.

My birthday was fairly quiet. No big bash or anything like that. But my mother did surprise me--she got me real good! She and I were supposed to go out for breakfast because I took the day off, but she somehow got a few others take time from work to make it.  I was sincerely shocked--and thankful--by the gesture.


So had I actually created my journal of thanks as I originally planned to, this would definitely have been the first entry. It's not the first time my mom has done a birthday surprise for me, but I asked her to make it the last. Not because I didn't appreciate her efforts--Lord knows I did--but because I truly intended to have a 'mellow' birthday.

Two years prior, I had a birthday dinner with 4 of my 6 closest friends and we had a blast. But things have now come to the point where I have been separated, geographically or emotionally, from almost everyone in that circle. It sucks, really, but I'm thinking that's all part of "the process" that God has for me. Why? Does God want His children to be anti-social? I don't think so. But as I've been pondering how others in the Bible have been "processed", a pattern definitely emerges in the form of a season of isolation.


Wow... I really didn't plan to delve into "the process" just yet as I'm still finishing that write-up in the cut. But I guess that's the magic of blogging. Have no fear--I hate suspense so I won't keep you in it either. My post on the process will be next up.


Stay blessed!
pVI