dumbfounded

That's the first word that comes to mind when, as an outsider looking in, I witness the kind of women around me who are already married. I'll be the first to admit that the saying is true: Comparison is the thief of joy.  But at the same time, I ask myself "Is that how I have to be to get a ring??"  I mean, women who can't/don't cook; women who are overbearing and bossy; women who are not even slightly... well, I'll leave that one alone since I'm being judgmental enough.

The nature of my comments betray the fact that I am ultimately judging myself.  By comparing the things that I can/will do in a marriage to the things that [some] married women can't/won't, I am saying simply this: Well, what's wrong with me??  

Don't get it twisted, though--I am well aware of the fact that people get married for all the wrong reasons. Simply walking down the aisle is the easiest part of what should be a life-long commitment to love and to cherish.  But all I'm saying is, this is something of a 'wake-up' call regarding my ideals vs. the realities of marriage.  I have absolutely NO right to say who deserves to be proposed to [even though I have definitely questioned why some women did #realtalk], but I now realize that things I thought were supposed to be requirements are not necessarily even priorities.  Makes me wonder what the odds are of getting hitched to a man who doesn't care how I look, or what I say, or if I can keep house.... cuz I know some sistas who definitely hit those jackpots! But I digress...

It's these kinds of superficial ramblings that fill my head; clearly not the kind of content I want to make a habit of posting. But I guess I'm sharing this because I view it as some sort of revelation.  I don't have to be the Proverbs 31 woman to get a husband!! But then that begs the question: What kind of man would I get?

"wifey material", eh?

Ask any guy what he looks for in a future wife and you'll get answers that are as unique as the guy. However, for Christians it's a bit 'easier' to get an idea of what your husband will want because we have a template to follow; a prototype, if you will. *enter superwoman Proverbs 31 woman*

Sooo, yeah... I'll be the first one to admit that reading this particular scripture doesn't exactly sound like my bio (notwithstanding the parts about husband and children). Even though my blog title and personal handle--peculiar VIrtue--both nod in that direction, I realize that I have a lot of work to do before elevating myself to P31 status.

I was talking to a friend over the weekend (who also happens to be a single, Christian woman in her late 20s) and she said, "I just want to be married." This was nothing surprising as I've thought the same thing countless times. In fact, she's the second friend of mine in about 10 days to use that phrase, verbatim. And while I would normally chime in "Me too!" or "I feel you, girl!", this time I took pause. My response this time was, "Yeah, but would I make a good wife?? I dunno..." In my unwillingly lengthy season of singleness, I've had lots of time to take notes and make observations on the wisdom shared by others--married and single. And one concept that has resonated with me comes in the answer to the following question:

Are you the [kind of] person that you would like to be married to?

#realitycheck   I think of who a Christian man would want to call his wife and immediately my mind races to Proverbs 31. I have made countless checklists and re-evaluated deal-breakers when considering who I want to marry but what about me? If I made a checklist out of this scripture, how would I fare? What about you? That's legit, though!

My friend was being supportive [I think...?] when she answered me by saying "I think you'd make a good wife. Then again, I've never tasted your cooking!" I wasn't even mad at that because, truth be told, I'm no Martha Stewart. I love to eat but I hate to cook--straight up! So when verse 15 says that she gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family, I know that I can't mark that off the list. Even my mom fusses with me about not liking to cook; last time she asked, "Are you and your husband gonna just have sex all the time and not have any food in the house to eat?!" I'm like, "Hey! That sounds like a plan!" *rawr* But for real, tho...

On the other hand, I know that I am wise, practical and responsible, so that makes a couple of verses fall in my favor. Some of the other things will reveal themselves once I'm married; such as displaying respect for my husband and caring for our children. But am I really ready to take on all that right now? Like, NOW now?? *sigh* If I'm any kinda honest, the truth is 'probably not'. The good part is that I can [continue to] work on character building. Taking short-term steps towards a long-term goal will help me prepare to earn P31 status.

So the next time a sex- and/or relationship-deprived state of mind drives me--or you--to utter those words, "I just wanna be married!", it may help to re-direct and say "I just wanna be a P31 woman!"

Be blessed,
p[soon-to-be 31]VI