Welcome to my corner of the universe to share thoughts, inspirations, and questions that arise while on my journey for Jesus. My goal is to encourage, provoke and relate to others in the body of Christ but since I'm a young, single woman, a good bit of what I say will reflect that perspective. We're all in the same struggle but hopefully some of this Holy Hotness can edify (and entertain) us along the way.
Emotionally? I guess that depends on when you ask.
Spiritually? *pfft* That's an ongoing conflict; they say struggle is a sign that you're not dead [yet].
I feel irresponsible and a bit ashamed for 'abandoning' Holy Hotness the way I did. Not like anybody lost any sleep over the halt in content but I like to see things through to completion. I guess I had to do that with other situations in my life and this blog suffered because of it. But when I look back over my posts, even though I'm positive that my words were able to help others, I think the writing did more to help me than anyone else... but I am grateful for the 'company'.
I don't foresee completely shutting this down, but I know that I won't be able to write as regularly as I would like to. What am I saying? I don't even know. When I figure it out, I'll be sure to say it here, though.
Welcome to the third post in the series Relationship(s) with God, Exposited and part two of the topic God as Parent; feel free to get caught up on part one. Once again, here's my disclaimer: I don't have any children, but I have closely observed parents (including my own) with the expectation of someday becoming one.
Back in part one, I gave an overview of the way God loves all His children by default and that His affections bubble over once we decide to become His spiritual offspring (through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ). That piece ended with a nod towards discipline--the necessary evil of parenting--and that is the focus of this installment. Just for clarity's sake, here's a thorough definition:
There are plenty of instances in the Bible where disciplining a child is prescribed as the remedy for a young life ending--or even beginning--in despair. One of my grandmother's favorites when I was growing up was "Don't spare the rod and spoil the child". [Proverbs 23:13-14] That verse implies corporal punishment, known locally as a "cut arse" [Caribbeanspeak for spanking], but we all know that discipline can be inflicted in MANY more ways than just physically. In more general terms, we read that "The Lord chastens whom He loves" [Hebrews 12:6] and there are several examples in the Bible where God did that in two ways: proactively and reactively.
Samson, of Old Testament fame, is one of the first names that comes to mind in the case of reactive discipline. He deliberately disobeyed God's assignment for his life and paid severe consequences for doing so: losing his blessing of supernatural strength, capture and blinding by the enemy, public humiliation, and untimely death. [Judges 16] The next candidate in this category is Jonah and his disobedience, then punishment, of epic proportions. God sent him to warn a city of impending doom, but he wasn't havin' that and took off in the opposite direction... dude became dinner for a whale, then got puked up on a beach. #NOTwinning [Jonah 1-2] Luckily for him, his disciplinary action didn't result in death and he had enough sense to do what God sent him to do in the first place. [Jonah 3]
Proactive discipline is a bit more profound because we don't always understand the lesson we are supposed to learn during the process of said discipline. Take King David, for example... he wasn't even legit as king until well into later in his life, even though he was anointed for the position as a youth. Could you imagine what that felt like?? Basically, you're told that God chose you to run His nation--but not yet. Just sit tight for a couple decades. Right. So proactive discipline for David came in the form of patience and preparation.
To pass the time until he could ascend the throne, young David was out in the pastures protecting his father's sheep from lions and bears. Little did he know that doing the 'dirty work' behind the scenes would catapult him to the forefront by killing a giant that punked trained warriors. [1 Samuel 17:34-37] But it didn't end there because David then joined the army of the king; musta been really awkward working for the man you know you're going to replace, but he.o.e.n.o. (Yeah, I said it.) It probably didn't dawn on him at the time, but enlisting to serve and then rising through the ranks to lead said army was essentially basic training in leadership. Kinda useful if you're gonna run a whole country, no? So by the time it was David's turn to wear the crown, he'd already been through "King 101" because God had orchestrated the events of his life to provide the discipline needed to be Israel's most noteworthy leader. Checking for his general's wife, knocking her up, then having him whacked wasn't in God's syllabus, tho... that was definitely some extracurricular activity on David's part. Yeah...
The moral of the story is that discipline doesn't necessarily equal punishment, but God--like any other loving parent--won't hesitate to use punitive action to teach a serious lesson. On the other hand, He wants His children to be prepared for the responsibilities that come with the blessings that He has for us. So think of a teen itching to drive dad's car... Dad would be irresponsible, foolish or both to give junior the keys before making sure that he's passed driving school and/or gotten his learner's permit. But when Dad does hand over the keys, it's to a son who was trained on how to enjoy the blessing of a whip responsibly (we can hope).
So when we endure seemingly unfair punishment and wonder what we did wrong, keep in mind that God might just be inflicting a good dose of discipline for our benefit in the long run. Yeah, just gotta love our Heavenly Father!
I'm actually 2 days late, but it dawned on me that I started this blog shortly after my last birthday. May 20th marked a full year of HOLY HOTNESS and it's been quite a ride--thanks for taking it with me! :o)
Here's to at least a couple more 'birthdays' of blogging!
Please be advised that I will be discussing genitalia, sexuality, and other topics that may be considered 'offensive' to some. While it is not my intent to offend, the following post will contain my undiluted and unapologetic opinions on sensitive matters. Consider your sanctified self warned!
Ask any guy what he looks for in a future wife and you'll get answers that are as unique as the guy. However, for Christians it's a bit 'easier' to get an idea of what your husband will want because we have a template to follow; a prototype, if you will. *enter superwomanProverbs 31 woman*
Sooo, yeah... I'll be the first one to admit that reading this particular scripture doesn't exactly sound like my bio (notwithstanding the parts about husband and children). Even though my blog title and personal handle--peculiar VIrtue--both nod in that direction, I realize that I have a lot of work to do before elevating myself to P31 status.
I was talking to a friend over the weekend (who also happens to be a single, Christian woman in her late 20s) and she said, "I just want to be married." This was nothing surprising as I've thought the same thing countless times. In fact, she's the second friend of mine in about 10 days to use that phrase, verbatim. And while I would normally chime in "Me too!" or "I feel you, girl!", this time I took pause. My response this time was, "Yeah, but would I make a good wife?? I dunno..." In my unwillingly lengthy season of singleness, I've had lots of time to take notes and make observations on the wisdom shared by others--married and single. And one concept that has resonated with me comes in the answer to the following question:
Are you the [kind of] person that you would like to be married to?
#realitycheck I think of who a Christian man would want to call his wife and immediately my mind races to Proverbs 31. I have made countless checklists and re-evaluated deal-breakers when considering who I want to marry but what about me? If I made a checklist out of this scripture, how would I fare? What about you? That's legit, though!
My friend was being supportive [I think...?] when she answered me by saying "I think you'd make a good wife. Then again, I've never tasted your cooking!" I wasn't even mad at that because, truth be told, I'm no Martha Stewart. I love to eat but I hate to cook--straight up! So when verse 15 says that she gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family, I know that I can't mark that off the list. Even my mom fusses with me about not liking to cook; last time she asked, "Are you and your husband gonna just have sex all the time and not have any food in the house to eat?!" I'm like, "Hey! That sounds like a plan!" *rawr* But for real, tho...
On the other hand, I know that I am wise, practical and responsible, so that makes a couple of verses fall in my favor. Some of the other things will reveal themselves once I'm married; such as displaying respect for my husband and caring for our children. But am I really ready to take on all that right now? Like, NOW now?? *sigh* If I'm any kinda honest, the truth is 'probably not'. The good part is that I can [continue to] work on character building. Taking short-term steps towards a long-term goal will help me prepare to earn P31 status.
So the next time a sex- and/or relationship-deprived state of mind drives me--or you--to utter those words, "I just wanna be married!", it may help to re-direct and say "I just wanna be a P31 woman!"
Always do what's right... that's a given, right? Even if it's for the wrong reasons, right(?) That may sound straightforward enough, but every rule has exceptions or a loophole...doesn't it?
As I type this, I'm thinking of a specific situation. I'm telling myself that I'm trying to help... my heart is in the right place... I'm looking out for this person's best interest. But when I get really honest with myself and look to my true--ulterior--motive, it gets real. I realize how truly manipulative and selfish I can really be, and that's the part that scares me.
So lemme throw this out there: does the end always justify the means? Can we be at peace with ourselves--and God--knowing that our (in)action is not genuine? Or what about the other way around: doing the wrong thing for the right reason? I'm just curious to know where people stand on this. In case this topic is a bit far-removed, here are some examples to get your moral juices flowing:
Scenario 1: Wrong thing, Right reason
A church is having a fundraiser and the congregation is split into groups for friendly competition. The leader of one group decides to rip and burn CDs of praise and worship songs and sell them to the congregation with the money going towards the church pot. Should Federal piracy laws get thrown out the window because its being done for Jesus?
Scenario 2: Right thing, Wrong reason
A Christian woman has a male friend who is unsaved. She lets him know that she's praying for him to change his life--which she is actually doing--and puts him on to some Christian media to point him in the right direction. She truly does want this man to get saved... because she's convinced that she's supposed to marry him, and the only way she can do that--and remain true to God's word--is if he becomes a Christian. Does it matter that she's checking for him, once her efforts help to win a soul for the kingdom?
I don't drink--by choice. That choice has a lot to do with me being [raised as] a Christian but it has just as much to do with my personal convictions. Even during my rebellious years, I never got drunk but prefferred to steal sips through the cocktail straws of my friends' drinks. I could probably count the number of alcoholic encounters I've had on both hands (maybe even one; I never actually kept track).
But before you get the wrong idea and take this as a sanctimonious ode to my self-restraint, the reason I decided to talk about my [in]experience with alcohol was because I'm constantly re-evaluating my stance on the issue. I read an article tonight that provided a really unique perspective on the issue--The Pleasures and Perils of Fermentation--so that re-kindled my thoughts, as well.
image credit: http://www.thelifeofluxury.com
For the record, I don't think that
drinking alcohol is a "sin"--but I do think that drunkenness is (or it should be). Also, drinking in public
around those who aren't saved--but they know that I am--may confuse
them based on society's views of what Christians should and shouldn't
do. Yes, I know that I shouldn't be driven by what other people think,
BUT there are some instances where our actions can deeply impact those
on the outside looking in, or even new believers--and this particular verse has been the driving force behind my decision to not [openly] partake of alcohol.
Personally,
I would have no problem drinking a glass of wine in the privacy of my
home but I haven't taken the step to actually buy any. I don't feel compelled to; plus, I wouldn't know
which kind to get. Pairing with particular foods or rattling off vintage years is too
much hassle to enjoy a beverage in my humble opinion, but I'm definitely open
to suggestions if the opportunity presents itself. For my consumption purposes,
wine is where it stops, though--even in my 'wild' days, the hard liquor
never appealed to me. And I can't stand the smell of beer, so there's
nothing to worry about there.
At this point, I haven't had anything close to a drink in years but I'll be sure to let you all know if and when I do. ;o) Until then...
I've been in the midst of a serious relapse for the past 2 weeks or so, primarily struggling with lust. Yup, that infamous 'deadly sin' has plagued my thoughts to the point of severely irrational thought patterns. But here's the [really] bad part--oh, how I've enjoyed it... until about yesterday.
Constantly asking God to forgive me and help me to stop indulging in deliciously sinful thoughts became a recent empty ritual because I knew it was wrong, but I didn't allow my will to overpower my mind--rather, my flesh. That part of humanity which remains in constant battle with our spirituality had me all wrapped up. And then--thankfully--the Holy Spirit granted me a profound revelation in the form of a process that's as natural as nature itself: molting. Just in case the term doesn't sound familiar, let's take it back to 3rd grade science class for just a moment.
That's the technical definition above, but how does that apply spiritually? I'm so glad you asked! Giving my heart to Jesus was the first of many steps in becoming more like Him. As time passed and I became more mature in my Christian walk, I started outgrowing certain things that were natural to me--things that, before, I didn't think twice about: kinda like the skin [flesh] on my body. It takes a while for the changes on the inside to manifest themselves externally, but slowly, yet surely, a transformation takes place.
In the animal world, the entire outer flesh must be discarded to facilitate growth, and ultimately, life. Molting doesn't happen all at once, though. One must wriggle and writhe out of what is now a snare; the old doesn't want to let go but the newness underneath will be stifled unless the two part ways. At some point, it's very possible to get caught halfway between the two--knowing the potential that's waiting to be revealed but not wanting to let go of the comfort of the good ol' flesh. (You know, like that comfy, torn, stained and faded t-shirt that you never wanna get rid of!) Well, I definitely got stuck in the process and it was a scary place to be!
Then, this morning in my time with God, I was granted some spiritual insight regarding my situation: You need to drop this dead[ly] weight--step out of the flesh and into My Spirit. That just about ended my season of reveling in the lust of the flesh. The way to loose this dead flesh off of me is to immerse myself [literally, roll around] in the Spirit so that only the new, good, holiness of me remains.
Sure, it sounds simple enough, but when there's an old patch of dying flesh that's holding on for dear life, it will make its presence known! So when, not if, the next 'flare-up' happens, this is what Romans 8:12-14 [NIV] suggests:
...we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the
Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.
Lately, I've been in a situation where I'm staring temptation in the face. Literally. See, I had been crushing on this guy for a while and it had gotten really intense at one point. I prayed about him--even dreamed about him [not that kinda dream, but I did have some 'impure' thoughts *sigh* forgive me again, Lord!]--then I finally got several opportunities to interact with him. On top of us being spiritually 'incompatible', it seems that he's not that into me... so yeah, there goes that. And while I'm not expecting anything meaningful to happen between us, I still respect him as a person and I think he's just a cool dude. The fact that I still consider him grade-A eye candy *rawr* is just a plus. LOL
So now that I've reached the point where I felt that I had let the desire for this guy completely go, I'm seeing him more than I ever did before--and in quite close proximity. I'm like, "Really, God? You show me that he's not for me and now he's all up in my face? WHY would you even do that? Dis a test Lawd, cuz ah gon fail bad!" Seriously, it's like taunting a a chocoholic diabetic with a slice of the Cheesecake Factory's Godiva special! ARRRGH!!
In the midst of this whole hot mess of a situation in my mind, I stopped and asked myself why would God actually do something like this to me. As it turns out, there's a bit of a debate in the Word when it comes to temptation. First, you can't get any more basic than The Lord's Prayer, the template for Christian prayer, where verse 13 says lead us not into temptation. Actually, Jesus said it--that's why I put it in red--and since He has direct insight into God's will, we can be sure that He wouldn't say something misleading. So Jesus is essentially praying for God not to lead us into temptation, implying that He could and would, right? Not necessarily.
Even Christ was tempted/tested so we can expect nothing less, but let's look at how we can learn from His experience. The first thing to understand is that the devil is the tempter--plain and simple:
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” [Matthew 4:1-3]
The devil was gunning for Jesus' biggest weakness at that point in time--extreme hunger while fasting. Looking back at my situation, singleness is and has been a major struggle for me so it would make perfect sense for satan to use my 'crush' to tempt me. But I love the way Jesus snapped back at Him [and in my vivid imagination, He said it all stank too]: “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God". Two more times the devil tried to get Him to crack under the pressure but each time, Jesus countered with the Word. He didn't fantasize and play "What if...?" like I did#fail, but he immediately told satan where to go [Scripturally speaking, of course]. He effectively resisted the devil and true to the Word, the tempter had to flee.
This is a lot to digest, I know, but there are some concepts that are SO worth the reinforcement. We, myself being at the top of the list, may often gloss over admonitions to spend time in the Word but apparently it's kinda crucial. David's prayer to keep the Word in his heart as a deterrent to sin is not figurative. Saturating our [un]consciousness with Scripture is the only way to ensure that if when we are tempted, we will pass these tests with flying colors. #preachintomyself
If you're wondering what I'm referring to, then you must be reading this post through a feed because you really can't miss it if you're looking at the actual blog. My official 'welcome mat' is out so please stop in and make yourselves comfortable!
I still have some other customizations to handle but Blogger's template editor gives me an error message when I move my mouse on certain areas of the screen... clearly that's a problem. So please bear with me as I try to 'brand my image', or whatever it is I'm trying to do.
This has been in the making for a whilelong time and I have to apologize for the delay in continuing from part 1. SO sorry to leave you hangin’ like that; I actually have a personal disdain for unnecessary suspense! But since I want to be sure that I do justice to each example, I’m going to dedicate a post to each one; so this has morphed into a kinda-sorta series in its own respect.
Soooo, enough with the small talk—let’s get into ‘The Process’ in action!
Joseph:
Yup, that dude—with the coat of many colors, who could interpret dreams, who became the ‘savior’ of Egypt and surrounding lands—went through ‘the process’. His life story is an inspiration to many as we see his transformation from boy shepherd, to lowly slave, to inmate in a foreign prison, to governor of the most powerful country of the world at that time; or as the catchphrase goes ‘from the pit to the palace’.
Without re-hashing his whole life story, let’s zero-in on his gift/blessing/anointing and how God used that to set him up. Joseph’s first two prophetic dreams, when shared with his family, ultimately led his brothers to almost take him out. That’s kinda harsh considering that he didn’t ask for the dreams, but God determined that Joseph’s ability to have—and later to interpret—dreams would be necessary to save the world as they knew it. This could only come to fruition once Joseph was processed accordingly.
The specific purpose that God had in mind for Joseph required him to be a good steward shrewd manager, so his process involved two specific situations to build that particular skill set. First, as a slave in Potiphar’s house, he rose up through the ranks to become the estate manager. Second, Joseph entered the king’s prison as a regular inmate but in a matter of time, he was runnin’ the joint—literally! Of course, these were harrowing ordeals in and of themselves but there was plenty of other drama along the way: the wife of Joseph’s boss accusing him of rape, being forgotten after interpreting the dreams of two ‘distinguished’ inmates, and I’m sure all kinds of other stuff went down that didn’t make it into the final draft of the Bible. Yet, while his ‘training’ was gained under extreme duress, the Bible lets us know that God always had Joseph's back.
Fast-forward two full years to when Joseph is standing before Pharaoh as the newly-appointed governor of Egypt. He was able to interpret both of the king's dreams and ultimately save the land from starvation (including his brothers who wanted him dead)...
because the winebearer remembered that Joseph interpreted his dream in prison;
because he was the prison warden's assistant;
because he was imprisoned for a false accusation of rape by his master's wife;
because his work ethic as a slave was so outstanding that his master named him estate manager;
because he was sold into slavery by his brothers;
because God anointed him with two prophetic dreams as a teen.
This series of [un?]fortunate events represented the process of transforming Joseph into the person that God destined for him to be. While seemingly cruel and unusual in the natural world, the supernatural agenda of his life was structured in such a way that he would be taken to the far edge of his sanity and back--more than once. But each excruciating situation represented a hurdle that, once passed, added exponential value to Joseph's knowledge, strength, faith, wisdom and leadership ability.
The 'funny' thing about the process, though, is that when you're in the middle of it, you are absolutely clueless about what's going on. I'm willing to bet that young Joseph was scared to death and often questioned the God he clung to for dear life. But on the other side of all his blood, sweat and tears, I could definitely imagine him saying to his brothers (or at least thinking),
"How ya like me now?!"
#winning
OK, OK, that was me, but this is what he really said:
4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! 5 And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. 6 For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will be no plowing and reaping. 7 But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.
8 “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt. [Genesis 45:4-8 New International Version (NIV); emphasis added by me]
Be blessed (especially if you're in the midst of your process)!
pVI
Recently, I witnessed a rather unfortunate situation befall someone that I don't particularly care for. This person did me wrong in the past and I felt that I had forgiven them--once I didn't have to come in contact with them, I was cool. That's what I liked to call the "love them from a distance" approach. The only problem with that technique is that it's conditional, and therefore not in line with the love chapter. But that's not the direction I'm going in today; rather, it's an offshoot of that thoroughfare. So try and follow me on this logic:
If I A.) say I'm a Christian, then I should must love my neighbor (i.e. all massive and crew; everybody and they cousin) as I love myself; because that is the greatest commandment. If I B.) love everyone like I love myself, I wouldn't be be happy when something bad happened to them because I wouldn't be happy if something bad happened to me. Ergo--it's a shame that I have to look for reasons to incorporate a dead language into my writing--C.) If I am a Christian, I shouldn't be happy when something bad happens to someone. Clear as mud, right? OK, moving right along...
But is there no way for me to feel justified that this person got what they deserved? In all honesty, they had it coming because I wasn't the only person they willfully wronged in this life. And it's not like I prayed to God for them to receive a nice, steaming pile of karma or even tried to take matters into my own hands. He already said that He's got it covered so all I had to do is sit back and watch. But could I rightfully enjoy what I was witnessing? I tried, but I couldn't find anything in the Word to support that notion (but if you know of any Scriptures that do, PLEASE let me know...no, seriously).
So, I'll just chalk it up to this: flesh. Gloating would be one of many emotions inherent in humans as a result of our sinful nature that requires a good ol' cleansing. Looking to Jesus as the ultimate example of how we should act (as His disciples), He said we need to forgive a wrongdoer up to 77 times (and then some). And He didn't just say it--He did it... while dying on a cross! #streetcred This makes me think that it's pretty much impossible to want to gloat over someone if I'm busy trying to forgive them, and even love them. *sigh* At this point, I give up--no gloating for me.
I appreciate your bearing with me as I thought through this out loud. It's now obvious to me that gloating is simply a manifestation of unforgiveness, and that is NOT an option for a true child of God. After all, He forgave us first and not extending the same to our neighbors puts us in the same situation illustrated by the parable of the unmerciful servant. God forbid that be me (if it isn't already)! So I'll just pray for that person and their situation, as I have done already, that this would bring them to the Lord in salvation. And I'll also be sure to pray for God's grace to stop reveling in the suffering--no matter how well-deserved--of another.
Y'all, please pray for me on this one... I'm gonna need it!
Earlier tonight, I was watching a news special on the biology behind "love" and how we decide on one person over another. It followed some couples who met through a dating website; one of the four couples hit it off [but there was no mention of a proposal.] Marriage didn't enter the conversation until they highlighted one Indian couple living in America—she was 29, he was 30. Both said that they stayed single for so long because they couldn't find "the one". Part of their traditional culture is to have their parents play 'matchmaker' and choose a potential spouse for them. Each person had their own ideals and priorities for a mate and their families [back in India] basically used classified ads in newspapers to narrow down the candidates. When someone was found to look promising, one family contacted the other and if they met each others' expectations, the hopeful couple is then introduced. This is probably the simplest way to describe what happened but within 10 days of meeting, they decided to get married. And all the while, they had not even kissed yet!
The news reporter commented that this whole 'arrangement' business is such a foreign concept in America. But the practice was defended by the logic that your parents/family know you better than anyone else and have your best interest at heart. Since marriage binds families as well as individuals, it would make sense for both sides to invest in the couple's happiness [and ultimately their own]. Lord knows how nasty inout-laws can be!
This situation immediately reminded me of the role that God plays as the ultimate 'matchmaker' for us as single Christians. Instead of prowling around with our checklists for the perfect man/woman, we should leave that completely up to Him. Now, I'm not saying that we can't have personal preferences because different traits are attractive to different people, but the point is to not get hung up on "absolutes/deal-breakers". #preachintomyself #helpmejesus The ONLY thing I will NOT compromise is that my husband must be a born-again Christian who is committed to serving the Lord... but I digress. *sorry; back to what I was saying*
Not only does He have our best interests at heart, He actually knows the future. God knows the full potential of the purpose that He created us to fulfill, and we can easily jeopardize our kingdom business by getting mixed up with the wrong spouse. In a random conversation with a sister who recently got married and had a baby, she enlightened me to the fact that a marriage is an oath—a contract—presented before God. And that that union belongs to Him, first... then to the husband and wife. I had never really thought of it that way before, but it lines up with the Word kinda like this:
wives submit to husbands + husbands submit to Christ = marriage submitted completely to Christ #winning
Of course, that only works if EVERYONE is doing their necessary submitting...
I must say that I was impressed with the concept of Indian arranged marriages—especially the reported statistic of only 5-7% of them ending in divorce. [However, I take those numbers with a grain shaker of salt because I know that women are subject to harsh laws and repressive socioeconomic conditions in certain countries.] The American rate, even in the church, is about 10 times that. But the thing that left the greatest impression on me is when the woman being interviewed said that she had not yet kissed the man to whom she was about to pledge eternal commitment. To me, that signifies complete faith in her parents' choice, even in the realm of marital intimacy. For me, I would have to at least 'test the waters'... What?! I meant kissing.... #realtalk. But on the other hand, I aspire to reach that level of confidence where I surrender all—romantic desires included—to my heavenly Father. After all, He knew me from within before my mother's womb, then proceeded to make me fearfully and wonderfully. Something tells me not to worry because the Lord has an eye for [even the most minute] details...
Does being born-again stifle your swagg? Do you find yourself pouting after having to put a cute garment back on the rack because no matter how you try, you just can't justify wearing it and claiming to be a self-respecting Christian woman? How do can you reconcile your fashion sense with your faith? Even though I have a repressed fashion identity (more on that later), I often remind myself that I'm representing God first--then myself. How can we represent as women of God? Let's dig in to the Word of God for guidance.
If we model ourselves after the quintessential Proverbs 31 woman, we can safely say that being virtuous doesn't equate being draped in burlap bags because "she makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple." [emphasis added by me] Now, I've never studied fashion history, but I'm thinking that "fine linen and purple" just may have been the Gucci and Prada of the day. On the other hand, Paul admonished female worshipers to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes. Quite the contradiction, eh? But let's chop up these scriptures under the lens of context to gain a little more clarity.
King Lemuel's words to his son about the kind of wife he should search for were all-encompassing; the apparel took up only one of 21 verses. But it shows us that of the many virtues a virtuous woman should have, pride in her appearance still made the list. Why? Because she was a reflection of her husband. Now Paul's words were offered in the context of decorum for a place of worship. Of course, that didn't mean that all rules went out the door once church was over but these instructions were basically an episode of What NOT to Wear... to church. And, if I may interject my personal opinion, I'm thinking that cultural standards of that location at that time in history probably equated "dressing up" with flaunting an extravagant lifestyle as opposed to just looking good for goodness' sake. Remember Jesus' words about the camel, the needle eye and the rich man? It was repeated in 3 of the 4 gospels--Matthew, Mark and Luke--so we better listen up.
After all that, do we have any clearer directives on how we should carry ourselves? Yes--if we keep some broad themes in mind:
The way a woman dresses represents her husband, as well as herself. Until I get married, my husband is Jesus Christ. I can be wearing a t-shirt with a big 'ol cross on the front, but if it's cut-up to show my navel/cleavage or if my shorts look like underwear... umm, FAIL. Of course, that's an extreme example but let's think of it like this: God is a jealous God [husband] and He makes it known! Whenever I get dressed, I need to consider whether or not my outfit--as fly or frumpy as it may be--will bring negative attention to me or to Him.
As Christians, worshiping with others is (or at least should be) a big part of our lives. But somehow, the "Sunday best" tradition evolved around clothing and spiraled out of control; not just recently, but even back in New Testament times. Assuming that a richly-dressed woman drew a sharp contrast to the rest of the congregation in Paul's day, we can infer that she stood out for the wrong reasons. So let's flip the script on this one to extract a deeper meaning: don't let your brothers and sisters in Christ see more of your exterior than your interior (your true Spirit). So I could ask myself, Am I known more for my willingness to serve or for my Christian Louboutins? Can the leadership count on me to be on time and in place for rehearsals and services or do I have a reputation for being [literally] fashionably late?
People, let's not get it twisted: a woman of God can and should invest in her appearance. Giving the appearance of super spirituality by making skirts drag on the ground and leaving faces, ears, neck and fingers bare is NOT a good look--neither to the unsaved whom we are trying to reach, nor to God. But we must always be mindful that people in the world may never set foot in a church and we could be the only image of Christ that they ever see. Is your image swagg reflecting the light of the World?
If this post had a soundtrack, it would have to be I Anoint Myself by Pam Kenyon and Fred Hammond (found on the WOW Gospel 2001 album).
I question God... a lot. That may sound blasphemous coming from a self-proclaimed Christian but can I just keep it real? I often wonder what plan God is unfolding before my eyes when things just don't seem right/fair/sensible. I have so many questions floating around in my mind, I don't even know what to say right now.
This is just me needing to 'vent', I guess. Every now and then, I get a little bent out-of-shape and my faith takes a beating. Then I realize that God owes me NOTHING! No explanation, no grace, no forgiveness... nada. This recurring revelation usually comes from the book of Job. Chapter 38 [NIV] shows God's interestingly sarcastic answer to all of Job's--and my own--whining; The Message translation sounds especially stank by breaking it down in contemporary English. God checks him like this:
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?... Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place? ... Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this... Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!
Ummm, wow.... It's like the Most High just basically gave Job a divine taste of the Rock's catch-phrase: Know your role... and shut your mouth! At this point, all I have to do is ruminate on the Scripture and it puts me back in check.
But back to Job. The man was blameless--precisely why he was chosen to be an 'example'. Throughout all of his outcries of anguish, he remained righteous in God's eyes. When will I gain the type of faith to say Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him... I know, I know--I gotta EARN that type of faith, because it's impossible to please God without it.
*sigh* So here I go. After a nice, hot serving of God's sarcasm, it's time for me to woman-up and get back to the good fight of faith! The enemy NEVER takes a day off... as children of the Most High, neither can we afford to.
I remember singing this song back in Sunday School as a child and it just came to mind after many, MANY years as I'm thinking about how to start this post. For those who don't know it, it's simple:
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see (x2)
For the Father up above is looking down in tender love
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
And it goes on with "ears/hear" and "hands/do (or touch)".
Even now that I'm "grown", this song provides crucial directions for stayin' saved in this here world we're livin' in... especially now that it's summer blockbuster movie season. I've not been going to the movies much in the last several months and that's [somewhat] intentional. I'm sure you feel me when I say that most of the offerings on the big screen are not exactly Christian-friendly, so the only option to safeguard my "little eyes (and ears)" is usually to skip it altogether.
My [personal] general rule of thumb is no R-rated flicks; but I make rare exceptions for the sake of history or culture (i.e. Gladiator, Troy, For Colored Girls, etc). Why? Well, it may not be that obvious to some but movies in that category are there for pretty much 3 reasons: profanity, sexually explicit content or brutal violence (the real hum-dingers have all 3). So that makes my main concern intentionally exposing myself to "spiritual toxins". The Word tells us to avoid evil in all its forms, AND to keep our minds on spiritual things. Call me super spiritual if ya wanna, but I'm not really seeing how a Christian can consciously do that while watching stuff like The Hangover, any of the Saw series, or Love and Other Drugs. (Yes, I know these scriptures should be applied to all facets of our lives but I'll just stay focused on movies for the sake of this post.)
This is an active battle for me, because I've had to pass up several movies with friends--saved and unsaved--who didn't understand why I wouldn't go. I have a tendency to internalize things mentally so when I can't get a song outta my head, I mean it literally. The same goes for movies in that a scene will replay itself involuntarily in my mind's eye, with surround sound. For that reason, I have taken to heart God's commandments about guarding my 'gates' and this has forced me to be extra vigilant about my entertainment choices.
For example, whether I'm in a theater or having a Blockbuster night, I will not watch a make-out/sex scene. Even romantic comedies get the side eye from me. Why? I'm SO glad you asked, so I'll ask you a question in return: Let's say you've been wanting to travel to an exotic place for years but the status of your visa application was indefinitely in-process. Would you taunt yourself intentionally to test your willpower? Well, that's kinda how hot-and-heavy scenes on-screen play out for saved, single, ol' me. And in case ya missed it, I'm using the "visa application" metaphor to represent my prayerful petition to God to unite me with the husband that He has for me, but apparently He's still "processing" my request... and me, for that matter. So for me to watch others [kinda sorta but not actually] doing it on screen is like me being a mouse and setting up a nice, cheesy trap for myself. Seriously, who does that?! After all, I'd hate to have something like this happen:
The same goes for violence and profanity. Cursing is not part of my vocabulary--except for those rare occasions in rush-hour traffic (help me, Jesus!!), so why would I pay to hear someone else do it?! Although I have heard one Christian woman admit to dropping f-bombs because she's not 'religious', yet she assured me that she doesn't go around cursing like a sailor, I see no way to justify a child of God using nor consciously entertaining such language. And then there are your die-hard fans of slasher [and Quentin Tarantino] flicks. How do you guys sleep at night?? No, really?! The last horror movie I saw was the very first Final Destination and I could barely keep my seat. Is it not pure evil for human beings to devise horrific ways to dismember each other, and equally so to be entertained by such? (That's not a rhetorical question, I really want to know!) A Christian friend invited me to go see 300 and I was interested in the actual storyline, but I punked-out because of the gory war scenes.
So as we're making our lineups of summer flicks, let's stay mindful that the impact of our entertainment doesn't stop when the lights come back on in the theater. I'll be posting my list soon and you all are welcome to share your 'must-sees' with me, as well.
*NOTE* All songs referenced will be embedded at the end, in order of mention... so if you're tired of reading, just scroll down to go straight to the music.
I made a new CD from recent acquisitions on iTunes to bump in the car... apparently, my 2006 model missed the memo about MP3/audio auxiliary ports. #fail Anyway, I usually burn a CD after every handful of new songs; note - these are songs that are new to me but they've been out for a while already. Sometimes, I 'recycle' songs from older mixes just because they're that hot... the one that made my really bounce behind the wheel this morning was Clap Your Hands.
The D. Haddy fest continued when I got to work because I looked up the song on YouTube so I could share it on my social networks. Then the suggestions caught my eye and I saw another one of my favorite songs from back in the day - Resting Place. After that throwback, I came across some others that were some of my faves--even though I don't have any of his full albums--and came to the following conclusion:
Deitrick Haddon is Christian music fiyah! End of discussion.
Image taken from http://www.verityrecords.com/music/church-moon
Now, I've only heard one track from his latest album, Church on the Moon--Forgiven--and it put me in a trance, instantly. That doesn't happen to me often, but when it does, I literally absorb the song into my being. But even going through his projects since ~2002, which is when I got turned on to him, dude has a solid corpus in performance AND production. This says a lot since I'm partial to his trademark sound [somewhere between urban and churchy gospel], but when he ventures outside of that box, I'm still right there with him. Take Inspiration, for example. It's guitar-heavy with a classic 80s drumbeat, maybe even a little "pseudo-country-ish" ... yet I'm feelin' it! Next, there's Resting Place - the first couple of bars feature a marimba and with acoustic guitar accompaniment sans the beat box, the whole track is enveloped by a completely organic vibe. And on the album Crossroads, I definitely appreciated the two joints laced, figuratively speaking (of course), with reggae/dancehall flavors... It's Over Now and Walls are Tumbling (f/Pastor Paula White). what can I say? You know that's just the "island" in me.
Image taken from http://usedbooksblog.com
But I'm not trying to sound like a Deitrick Haddon infomercial [even though I've already blogged on one of his songs], so my review has to be "fair and balanced"...just like Fox News... riiiiiiiiight. Anyway, in his time on the music scene, spanning from the late 90s with the group Voices of Unity, D. Haddy has garnered something of a reputation for high astronomical self-esteem and possibly being a tad too secular in his stylings. Is there any truth to the charges?? I'll report and you decide (yes, that was another facetious nod to Fox News).
On the album Lost and Found, track #2 entitled "D.D" is essentially an ode to himself. It's basically his truncated life story, some may call it his testimony. But when the chorus is basically your name 4Xs and then your nickname 4Xs, it just might throw off a narcissistic vibe. #imjustsayin Now, ever since Kirk Franklin and God's Property STOMPed onto the scene--possibly before that when Bebe and CeCe Winans 'confused' listeners with Addictive Love--the gospel music crowd has been split between what is or isn't too worldly. I tend to lean towards the 'Jesus likes boom-bap, too' side, but I strongly believe that songs should be tested for content.
Case in point: Don't Go. The "younggins" are thinking Oh, that's 'Foolish' by Ashanti. If you're 25 or older, the first bar takes your right back to Biggie's One More Chance remix. But if you're a real old-head, then De Barge would come to mind. Of course, this isn't the first time a gospel song sampled a "secular" one, so let's get over that real fast. But is the content truly the "good news"? According to some of the comments on the YouTube track, not so. Now, here are the lyrics; it's definitely not on the level of Sinner's Prayer but it's not exactly sacrilegious, IMO. However I do see a conflict with using the hook from One More Chance because it creates a sort of cognitive dissonance: you know you're listening to [what's supposed to be] Christian music, but the sound of it diverts your thoughts to a song that is spiritually detrimental. I get a similar vibe from I'm the One--if I let my mind wander just enough, I'd swear I was listening to some baby-makin' music a-la 90s R&B (*sigh* I can't get that decade outta my musical memory--y'all pray for a sista!) OK, so that's just two songs but, most of the album Seven Days rolls off the ear like a cascade of urban gospel goodness. Shoo, I stay bangin' Clap Your Hands, So Good to be in Love and Inspiration.
So that's all I gotta say about D. Haddy. Now I'll let his music do the talking: all the songs I mentioned and some extras for good measure. Enjoy the music and stay blessed!
pVI
I was at the beach on President’s Day this year, after not having been there for what seemed like forever. Anyone who has grown up or spent considerable time living in the Caribbean—or near any body of water—understands that being in and around the water becomes a natural part of your life. So try to keep this in mind as I describe the following scenario.
The beach was crowded with families that day since it was a holiday, and lots of children were frolicking around. Amidst the background noise, there was one particular sound that caught my ear: a screaming baby. Turning in the direction of the cries, I saw a woman in the water near the shore with a toddler—not yet two years old—sitting in a floatation device like a life ring, but with a seat for the baby that had holes for its legs to go through. Unfortunately for the child, this toy was anything but amusing. Tears streamed down his face as he was crying for dear life and trying crawl out of the floater seat and into the security of his mother’s arms. However, she was calm and firmly held the shrieking baby in the device as he thrashed about.
I’m sure some of you are reading this in absolute horror, but I smiled as I saw the scene unfolding. In fact, on a beach full of people, NO ONE showed alarm or concern. This is simply because we all surmised that at a similar point in our lives, we had endured the same ordeal; some probably became great swimmers because of it.
This illustration brought me to a revelation that the Holy Spirit shared with me that day: it’s all about THE PROCESS! Every single believer goes through [at the very least] one harrowing ordeal that God oversees in order for us to develop a particular skill or learn a specific lesson. We can envision the Lord as that mother on the beach: hating to see their child struggling through a terrified state of fear and panic, but knowing that this experience was a ‘necessary evil’ in that child’s best interest. After all, it would be an injustice to that child to have them grow up on an island being afraid of the ocean! In the same way, God would be doing us a disservice to leave us exposed to the supernatural forces that exist without preparing us on a spiritual level.
More meat was added to this spiritual meal at a Bible study I attended this week. The pastor’s topic was on the importance of building a relationship with God beyond the initial connection we receive once we become born-again. He likened it to a relationship that a man has with a child that is biologically his, but with whom there is no emotional father/son bond. They [may] know each other’s names and of each other’s existence, but nothing else is there to substantiate a connection of love and trust. Once we decide to pursue a relationship with our heavenly Father, it also means that we [should] allow Him to lead us in the direction of His choice—because we understand that He, like any other loving parent, has our best interest at heart.
If you aren’t a parent, let’s assume that you’ve had some of your own. How many times have you heard [said or thought] something like, “You may not understand it now, but this is for your own good”. And you’re thinking, “That’s a load of crap! It’s parentspeak for ‘You're doing this just because I’m your child and there’s nothing I can do about it!’” Truth is, you really didn’t understand what in the world was going on at the time, but you knew that you felt confused, maybe hurt or even angry. Going back to my illustration of the baby at the beach, if I could narrate the internal monologue Look Who’s Talking-style, it would sound like: MAMAAAA, why are you doing this to meeeee?!?! I’m scared as all get-out of this stuff and you’re keeping me in it on purpose?!?!! I thought you loved me mom??!!
But since I’m not one to rely on [just] my own interpretation of what the Holy Spirit shares with me, let’s flow into some examples from the Bible, shall we?
