life in "draft mode"

I have this... thing.  I attribute it to the perfectionist in me but who knows what the real deal is?  Anyway, it's this thing where I feel the need to express myself clearly and effectively, all the time.  For that very reason, writing is my preferred medium of communication because I can craft an interaction--no matter how formal or mundane--to perfection. It's to the point where I often start an e-mail, blog post, or text[!] and then let it sit in the Drafts folder until I can go back and tinker with it.  Yeah... definitely a thing.

It's not like I aspire to become the next Alice Walker or Ernest Hemingway, but I always feel that something can be said [i.e. written] better than it comes out initially.  This is especially true when I have to write about or respond to a matter that's urgent or dear to my heart. I make it a point to never write, or even speak, in anger or haste... while an e-mail can be 'un-sent' or a post deleted, words that reach the eyes/ears of another can never be retracted.

In a broader sense, I realize that I generally live my life in the same manner: in draft mode, as it were.  Always seeking to revise my plans to perfection or not act on something unless it has been "proof-read" for error... And after all that, you would think that I'd have it all together. HA!  It's an exercise in futility, if you ask me.  I find myself constantly trying to re-create and edit but the final drafts rarely come to fruition--the way I want them to, anyways.  While I strive for perfection (in my eyes), I realize that life is passing me by in all of it's flawed splendor.  There are so many things that I want to do but I'm waiting to get everything 'in place', first.  It's like I'm stuck at my own drawing board re-writing the story of my existence, yet the final draft never leaves my hand.  

It's not like I haven't done anything worthy in my time on Earth, but there's so much more.  Some things have worked according to plan, others unfolded unexpectedly, and yet others have not manifested.  Within the last year, I put a dent in my short bucket list, with God's help.  That was definitely a big step towards owning my drafts and making them perfectly imperfect... and it felt freakin' fantastic!!  I don't foresee myself creating loose ends in my life all willy-nilly but I am now less afraid of having every 'i' dotted and every 't' crossed than I thought possible.  I'm venturing into the unknown more and while every outcome may not be the way I planned it, I have a greater sense of peace having known that I did something unexpected.

Draft mode is slowly fading into the background.  My life is now a continually evolving manuscript, authored by God and produced by me.  How is the story of your existence being written?

blessings,

pVI

3>30: an Easter sub-text

I've never considered myself to be a math whiz but I do have a general understanding of how numbers work.  For example, 2+2=4... unless you've been tortured and brainwashed by Big Brother, and your power of independent thought has been broken to the point that if you were told that 2+2=5, you enthusiastically agree. (If you were thoroughly baffled by that reference, you need to read 1984 by George Orwell!)  I just felt the need to preface my post with this explanation because I'm sure you're wondering why I would infer that 3 is greater in value than 30.  Welp, I'm so glad you asked!

Jesus Christ came to Earth for a divine purpose and His mission, which He ultimately chose to accept, was essentially suicide.  That was a bitter pill for anyone to swallow, and even God in human form required preparation for it.  Jesus spent 30 years growing, learning and living as one of us before He officially began His Father's business [Luke 3:23].  Not much is shared in the Bible about His life between childhood and 30, but whatever happened during that 'buffering period' was necessary for Him to become the Jesus that would literally save the world.

Once He was baptized--or effectively ordained--Jesus' ministry did not stop until He rose from the grave and ascended to heaven.  It is taught that a span of 3 years separated His baptism and His crucifixion, and in that time He changed the course of history.  Jesus walked on the path of His purpose by preaching, performing miracles and making disciples.  In a mere 3 years, He revolutionized the way people approached and encountered God and each other by cancelling "the law" and replacing it with grace.  Jesus forged a new path to God through faith and love--NOT works and rituals.  He did more in those 3 years than could have been done in all of the time before His life and after His death... but only when it was His time.

God's concept of time, space, math and science are above and beyond what our crummy human minds can comprehend.  He orchestrated exactly when Christ's birth, death and resurrection would take place, and not a moment too soon or too late.  In His omnipotence, He surmised that 3 would be greater than 30.  That 3 decades would be the appropriate incubation period for Jesus to unleash 3 years of awesomesauce the likes of which the universe had never witnessed.  God made it so that His son lived and learned among Earthlings for 30 years so that Jesus could make His 3 years of ministry real and relevant to those whom He was dying to save.

Tomorrow is Resurrection Sunday--the day we recognize as that which Jesus basically told sin, death and hell to kick rocks.  As we celebrate that our Redeemer lives, let's pause to think about the path that His life took while on Earth...  that even His life was subject to God's divine timing.  This is especially applicable if, like me, you are confused/anxious about why certain things in your life seem to be taking SO long to happen.  It's an appropriate reminder to us all that God's ways and thoughts are higher than ours, and He will let us off our chains when the His time is right.

Happy Easter!

pVI

#feelinginadequate < #Godsgrace

I didn't want this to be a "woe is me" post, rather an explanation of why I haven't been posting regularly for the last few months.  Earlier, I mentioned taking some time off for personal development--and that's what I did (but not really).  I also shared about the downward slope I was sliding on and the fact that I was [not proud about being] just all up in my flesh.  I've been getting my mail in an emotional, spiritual and mental abyss for a minute; it's been ugly.  And that's the reason why I've been so quiet here... I haven't felt worthy of writing here.

Yeah, it's my blog and I don't owe anyone anything here, but my intention has always been to remain true to God and myself, and in so doing, to my readers.  Welp, I've been truly a mess and nobody likes to put their dirty laundry on blast.  But what I'm learning through all this is the significance of God's grace.  All while I was scheming and plotting my way into some epic mischief, He never left me to be undone my own devices.  Believe me when I say I was actively trying to have my "good Christian woman" card revoked, but as the song goes, God blocked it.  Yes, people--God is the ultimate blocker. After my failed attempts, I was finally able to pick my common sense up off the floor and dust it off to realize that He was working behind the scenes to save my [spiritual] behind at the expense of my flesh.  It hurt like hell to not get what I wanted, but what softened the blow was knowing that I was rescued from a LOT more pain down the road if I had succeeded in my schemes.

Soooo, what now?  Since I learned my lesson [hopefully], I'll be working on strengthening my relationship with Him.  After all, any relationship can only be successful if both parties are putting in work.  I was slacking up big time, but God pulled my weight and His.  I'm gonna work on returning the favor.  I know that I'll have my moments and slip up every now and then, but the difference is that I'm in a better head space.  

Thanks for hanging in there with me and for keeping me lifted up during this difficult time.  I've learned a lot about myself and my God, so the struggle was worth it.  It's not over but I'm headed back in the right direction... I hope you'll stick around for the ride.

covered by His grace,

pVI

turning a page...

It has been a while, wow... I've missed you. :-)  I've been quiet for the last couple of weeks for several reasons.  I started off on a path to self-development and spiritual renewal which was going well... and then things started taking some interesting turns--not all for the best, I'm afraid.  

I've been battling with how to handle some major 'possibilities' that have surfaced recently--two things, in particular, that I've spent years in waiting for.  Both are of life-altering magnitude and I am just beside myself in trying to discern God's direction.  

There's a level of selfishness that I've noticed in myself, though, and acting on it can completely derail everything God has done in my life up to this point.  It scares me... that I have even considered taking this situation into my own hands, effectively flying in God's face--and then planning to beg for His mercy afterwards.  Yes ladies and gentlemen: that is how you [plan to] abuse the grace of God.  For the record, I neither recommend nor endorse my own [planned] behavior but I am just being open transparent with you.

It truly is disconcerting: contemplating things that I considered absolutely unthinkable before.  The battle with our flesh (i.e. natural inclination towards sin) is legit, and I'm feeling understanding that now more than ever.  The good thing is that I'm not alone in this. Others have gone through it, are going through it now and will go through it in the future.  I love the way Paul consoles and enlightens us about this struggle in Romans 8:

⁵ Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. ⁶ So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. ⁷ For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. ⁸ That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.
⁹ But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. ¹² Therefore, dear brothers and sisters,^[e] you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. ¹³ For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature,^[f] you will live. ¹⁴ For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children^[g] of God.

I hope to be driven by God's voice and filled with His spirit in all that I do, but I can't do it alone.  So I'm asking for your prayers as I close out 2012, and seek to open a new chapter of my life in 2013.  Thanks in advance, and stay tuned!

be blessed,
pVI

something is wrong [confessional]

In the last few weeks, I've noticed a spike in certain behaviors that I know have some issues behind them: online shopping and [emotional] eating.  (I would've included lustful thoughts in the mix, but those seem to never completely go away. #FAIL) It's no secret that these kinds of things are used to mask some underlying problem; I just don't know what that problem is.  Or maybe I do know what it is but I just don't want to admit it.  Because if I do that, then I'll have to give it to God... and leave it there... leave myself exposed... exposed to exchanging my 'security blankets' for God's love and having to trust that it's [more than] enough to meet my needs.

That's scary... even for someone who has been 'saved' as long as I have. How pitiful is that? *sigh*  I'm gonna fast tomorrow--no solid food until the sun goes down.  And by that time, I hope I would have put to rest whatever's eating at my soul.  Recently, I got a hint that God has a major breakthrough coming my way, so it shouldn't be surprising that I feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden.  The night is always darkest before the dawn... Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning... 

By dawn on Monday morning, I pray that my fast would have brought me God's peace about what happened, is happening, and will happen in my life. Your prayers in agreement are also appreciated. Amen.

God as parent, part 1: relationship(s) with God, exposited

Here's the second installation in the series relationship(s) with God, exposited. Because there is so much ground to cover in a parent-child relationship, I'm gonna break this into parts so it won't get too lengthy. *DISCLAIMER*  I don't have any children, but I have closely observed parents (including my own) with the expectation of someday becoming one.

Fling Chune FRIDAY: Why Me?

TGIF, once again! This was a kinda-sorta long week for me.  A family confrontation went down and the aftermath has yet to completely surface; but when it does, it ain't gonna be pretty. *sigh*  Only God knows why He allows these kinds of things to happen between people who share DNA (not by choice, but it's whatever).

Anyways, I got another Pandora gem to fling today--this one is from gospel sweetheart Kierra Sheard. Why Me? caught me with the beat but sucked me in with the message.  When I step back and think about the fact that God loved me before I was even me, it kinda blew my mind a little.  This song reiterated a post on Tumblr that was every bit of the truth for me: the feeling of being in love with/loved by a mere man gets blown outta the water by the magnitude of of God's love for me.  #nocontest

So enjoy your weekend as you bob your head to this!

pVI

church = kissing: relationship(s) with God, exposited

This is my first 'unofficial' post in a series in which I'm trying to analyze a supernatural relationship through a natural perspective.  I'm not quite sure how this analogy came about, but I'm about to go in on it! [For my ramblings on not-so-holy kissing, see here. #shamelessplug]

Sooo yeah... This thought kinda randomly occurred to me the other day when I was thinking about.... kissing.  Yes--this saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost-filled, water-baptized woman thinks about kissing.  But before you start throwing shade my way, I haven't even gotten close to any lips for some years now (you read that correctly: YEARS).  So imagine even my surprise when associations began to form in my mind between locking lips and the Lord's house.  

I think it's safe to say that kissing is expected in a romantic relationship; it can also play a big role in other relationships, as well (i.e. parent-child). *Disclaimer* This assumption excludes 'courtships' in which the couple to be married chooses to abstain from all forms of physical affection until their wedding day.  But for the rest of us who aren't currently in or choose not to be in a "kiss-less courtship" when the time comes--I'm just keepin' it 100!--there is that unspoken presumption that, if nothing else, a couple will kiss each other in various ways to affirm their feelings for each other.  However, NOT kissing doesn't nullify a relationship but it is one of the best ways to foster endearment between people as they grow closer to each other.  In my humble estimation, going to church should be viewed the same way. How? I'm so glad you asked! *impish grin*

Kissing comes in various flavors and degrees of intensity: a quick peck on the cheek or forehead, a gentle pucker on the lips, and then, well... thank God for French ingenuity is all I'll say. ;o)  We can think of denominations of churches, or even "personalities" of congregations in similar fashion--each is unique in its expression but represents the same basic activity.

A kiss reaffirms the 'known' within a relationship.  Done regularly enough, it becomes a form of communication in which one person expresses familiarity, appreciation and good ol' love to the other.  Better yet, it can confirm the unknown; and by that, I'm referring to the classic first kiss; romantically speaking, of course.  For the most part, you don't know when, where or how it will happen, but you await in eager anticipation that it will. (or was that just me? *shrugs*)  The first kiss seals the deal and everything becomes official in some way because--assuming it was welcomed by both parties--what existed in the confines of your mind has taken on a tangible form.  

Now to bring things back around to church, the experience is a reaffirmation of your relationship with Jesus.  You've been spending time with Him on your own by reading the Bible and praying, so hearing the sermons and participating in praise and worship simply builds upon the foundation that you began laying for yourself.  If you've been going to church regularly for a while, it may become too comfortable because you feel that you know what to expect but this is where the 'first kiss' phenomenon kicks in.  Something in the middle of your church routine happens that catches you off-guard in a happy-smiley-fuzzy-bubbly-kinda way... A word from the pastor changes your entire perspective on a matter... The choir sings a song that you've heard a thousand times before in such a way that stirs your soul... Someone in the congregation shares a testimony that moves you to tears because you had no idea what they were going through as they sat in your row week after week.  Unlike with another person, 'first kisses' of the spiritual kind can/will happen many times over--they just feel new each time.

So what about that part when I said earlier that "NOT kissing doesn't nullify a relationship"?  I know you're already looking up that Scripture talking about "forsake not the assembling of the saints"; well, I got sumthin' for ya:

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵ not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another...

And if you wanna get really sanctified, we can take this back to the 10 Commandments and infer that God included a church-going clause when He said to the Israelites remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.  Reading both Scriptures word-for-word doesn't say anything specifically sinful about NOT going to church.  So that settles it--I can be a legit Christian without going to church, right?  "Church is just a religious institution created to suck up tithes/offerings and offer false hope to the masses!" or "My home is the church, my sofa is the pew, my TV is the pulpit, and [insert televangelist/mega-church pastor's name here] is my pastor."  Umm, naw... I didn't say that either.

One thing I will say is that--back to my original thesis--church is like kissing: you feel more in tune with your significant other the more you do it.  Along those same lines, sometimes you may do it [kissing, going to church, or both (hopefully not kissing IN church, tho!)] just because you love that special someone and not because you necessarily want to at that particular time.  But guess what: being in a relationship means that it's not all about you!!  This is especially true when you add an omnipotent, omniscient, omni-everything being to the mix.  But the good news is that He wants this relationship even more than you do. :o)  So close your eyes, pucker up, and make it hot!  ...oh yeah, and then go to church!

be blessed,
pVI

"virginity" vs. "God" on Grey's Anatomy

I've been a die-hard Grey's Anatomy fan from the jump... and I'm still a Christian (imagine that!).  If you're not familiar with the show, it's about a group of young doctors working their way up the ranks of their medical careers, along with all the drama that swirls around in their lives while they do this.  Honestly, I like the medical content more than anything else but the characters have sucked me in. And I blame Shonda Rhimes for that, but anyway...  Something specific in the episode that aired last week, Let the Bad Times Roll, seriously disturbed me so I decided to chop it up here.

One character, April Kepner, stands out from the rest [at least, she did, until last week] as the only virgin in the group of mostly promiscuous physicians.  She confessed this one or two seasons ago but I don't recall if she ever shared why she never had sex up to that point.  Welp, fast-forward to the present where all of the young doctors travel to take their board exams and--to make a long story short--April gets drunk, gets aggressive, and gets laid (by one of her colleagues).  To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement... not just at the fact that she gave it up so casually, but her [physical] demeanor right after the act was portrayed in a way that I found to be simply unrealistic.

I was pissed off enough up to that point, but when April is shown coming to grips with her actions the next day--of her board exam--she becomes completely hysterical... and then starts talkin' bout Jesus... something to the effect that she had remained a virgin because she loved Jesus and now that she is no longer one, Jesus no longer loved her.

Now let me make it clear--I fully understand the guilt and shame that comes with doing something sinful and feeling like you let God down.  My angst is directed towards the scriptwriter [once again, that would be Shonda Rhimes] for playing the "J card" now that April did something 'wrong', as opposed to mentioning April's Christian convictions from the jump.  And to add insult to injury, April later delves into a monologue in which she basically questions why she even had said convictions to begin with. *spoiler alert*  Finally, she discovers that she's the only doctor of the group to fail the boards.

April's end result said one thing to me--and possibly to other viewers, as well: God punished her [i.e. "no longer loved her"] for losing her virginity outside of marriage.  Am I saying that God doesn't exact consequences for breaking His rules?  Not at all.  Do I think that this obviously non-Christian TV show should have used this opportunity to show an example of God's grace and mercy?  Possibly.  But the major bone I have to pick here is that Jesus was used as the 'fall guy'.  He is wrongfully accused by April on account of her own guilty conscience, after which she essentially dismisses her faith in Him and then she fails the biggest exam of her life (and that's His fault too, obviously).  How convenient to leave the Lord out of the picture until things start going wrong and then highlight His ineptitude/vengeance.  Seriously...

Fling Chune FRIDAY: He Can Love You More

Happy Friday once again!  I had a busy week with some special events going on at work, but all's well that ends well. :o)  I think it's especially fitting to end the week with a special reminder.

There's always a lotta hype in the air surrounding the word 'love' and I've just barely begun to scratch the surface on that... but Lisa McClendon points us in the right direction with a song that asks a rhetorical question: Who Can Love You More [than God]?  Well... Got a list of names, yet?  Yeah, me neither.

And as a nod to the one who loves me the mostest *smile*, He directed me to this song at a time when I really needed it.  This was like a surprise bouquet of flowers for my ears and I'm sharing it with you--particularly if you're a single, Christian woman wondering if God has left you by the wayside in your blissful state of singleness.  Savor this for all it's worth as Lisa puts it down, Jill Scott-style.

Stay blessed,
pVI

Pray Together

I claim no rights to this image... except the right to dream; to pray; to declare with authority that this masterpiece by Kevin "WAK" Williams completely encapsulates my vision of love and marriage.  It is 'the prototype', as far as I'm concerned.

Around my 3rd year of college, I discovered Pray Together, Stay Together and it left me absolutely breathless.  I had not too long before broken up with the love of my life for one reason: spiritual incompatibility (and the cruel irony is that he and I visually resemble this couple).  [Re-]dedicating my life to Christ during a long-distance phase in our relationship made me realize that my boyfriend wasn't about to ride on that journey with me.  It was heart-breaking to end what felt like the best thing to ever happen to me, but I had to prove to God that HE was more important to me than him.  I Kissed Dating Goodbye helped my emotional transition, leading to the next promise I made to God about relationships [the previous one being that I wouldn't have sex until marriage].  I said "God, I trust that You know and want what's best for me. So I want You to choose my next relationship--the one that will be equally [spiritually] yoked and culminate in marriage, until it is broken by death."

So that was *ahem* a long, LONG time ago... #becarefulwhatyouprayfor!  And in recent times, I've become overwhelmed by longing for this person to whom I will become friend/wife/lover/helpmeet, to the point that I've been contemplating getting back with [wait for it...] that same old boyfriend.  Makes perfect sense, right?!  I hold out for years with great expectations of God's best, only to figuratively return to my vomit...  And then I would proceed to entertain that flesh with fantastic scenarios in my mind delicious enough to make my body temperature rise. *slams on spiritual brakes*

OK God, You ain't sayin' nuthin' and I am SO over this waiting business! So, you better give me a man, or a hint--or sumthin' like, yesterday--or else I'm gonna... I'm gonna... do something stupid that You'll I'll regret!!! And then I'll just ask beg and plead for forgiveness like nothing happened.  That is what You do, right?? [Just in case you missed it, that was me threatening God with an ultimatum. Right.]

And what happens next? Just like magic God in all His awesomeness, the following messages supernaturally make their way to me:

Hint #1 - Affirmative prayer via e-mail from my (single) friend and leader of a women's prayer circle containing the following excerpt:

Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me....Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me.

Hint #2 - Sermon audio clip shared by another (single) friend: The Making of a Woman by Pastor Jeffrey Johnson

Hint #3 - Q/A Tumblr post by Jed Brewer: Why is Sex Before Marriage Wrong?

So I've 'heard' from God... What happens now?  I wait some more.  I trust even more.  I pray--a whole lot more!  Because the image above is emblazoned across my consciousness, I won't can't accept anything less, no matter how baaaadly I want to.  God knows that in my heart, I want to adhere to His design for marriage and His perfect will for my life, so I believe that He will honor this in spectacular fashion!  He will orchestrate my discovery as the missing rib to the man who has prayed and fasted for me.  He will guide us together in a moment where our spirits will embrace each other before our bodies have even touched.  And once our bodies do touch for the first time on our wedding night... *mmh* we will be asking begging Him for mercy as our bond of emotional intimacy is sealed in ways we didn't know were humanly possible!  

But once the honeymoon subsides and real life sets in, our spirits will continue to commune with each other in the presence of almighty God.  We will storm the gates of hell in prayer and fasting because this man understands and walks in authority as the high priest of his home!  We will plead the blood of Jesus over our children, families and friends.  We will serve faithfully in our church and community, sowing into the lives of others.  We will be an exponentially greater threat to satan together than we ever could have been individually.  Shoo, we will even pray for God to keep us from killing each other on those 'off' days when he's not feeling me and when he's getting on my last nerve.

But until all of this comes to pass, I will continue to pray.  Then, he and I will pray--together... and stay together.  In Jesus' name, AMEN.

in prayer for him,

pVI

needs/wants...toMAYto/toMAHto

God may not give us what we want, but He always provides what we need. #truestory

I finally got back on the zumba wagon--yeaaahhh boooiiiii!!--in hopes of getting myself in [some sort of] shape for my dreaded 30th birthday.  And the fact that I'm gonna be reconnecting with an 'old friend' even before my birthday is beside the point... more on that later.

This week, I went to zumba and found out that my usual instructor wasn't there but I knew the person who was substituting.  My heart kinda sank because the sub isn't as 'upbeat' as the regular (who is awesome in EVERY way and has spoiled me for any other zumba experience).  Her style is really mellow and I'm thinking, "Mellow ain't gonna cut it when I need to burn off these rolls as many calories as possible!"  But I had already gotten dressed and I figured it was an opportunity to get something done, so I went ahead to the class.

After the warm-up, I grabbed my bottle to head to the water fountain when the desk attendant informed me that the water was out at the moment. o_o  Well that was the worst!  So I went back into the studio consciously aware of the fact that I needed to fall back for the rest of the class to avoid overheating with no way to hydrate myself.  That wasn't gonna be too much of a problem since I had the mellow instructor that day...

And then it hit me: God actually did me a favor.  He knew that there would be no water at the gym, and worked it out so that my usual instructor wouldn't be able to make it.  Had she been there in all her bouncy, bodacious glory, I'm quite sure I would've been carried out of the studio on a stretcher for trying to keep up with her.  But in His infinite wisdom and caring, the Lord sent "Miss mellow" to keep things low-key enough for me to burn some calories without collapsing from internal combustion.

It may seem trivial, and even sheer coincidence to some, but I'm convinced that God used this opportunity to remind me of something that I already knew.  I may want something really, REALLY badly but having it may be detrimental.  Yet, what He sends my way is exactly what is best for me at that time and place.  *sigh*   Gotta love the way God uses  even the most mundane occurrences of life to get His point across.  Well played, Lord... well, played!

be blessed,

pVI

Lord, is that You??

I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to throw things to the winds of coincidence; I prefer to subscribe to the literal omnipotence of God.  So when I come in contact with a certain concept/experience several times within a certain period of time, I take it as a word from the Holy Spirit to my own.  For example, I would go to church and the sermon focused on a certain topic.  Then the same topic would come up randomly in a convo with someone who wasn't in church to hear the sermon.  Or, I would hear a related song on the radio or come across similar content online.  This happened in the months leading up to my first trip to Africa.  I would hear and see 'random' things related to my destination country to the point where I was convinced the planets had aligned to herald my pilgrimage to the Motherland. Something like that is what I've heard some call confirmation: essentially, God trying to get a certain point across by repeated exposure in any and all forms.

Interestingly enough, I've come across two particular instances of [what I would normally call] confirmation in the last 36 hours, all completely online:  intimacy and interracial relationships.  Yeah, I'm kinda freakin' out a little too...  The instances of intimacy started with a comment that I made on a friend's status on Facebook about intimacy being the foundation of God's intention for sex within marriage.  Shortly after, I stumble onto [yet another] new relationship advice web presence for single women--Finding Soulmate Success.  So, I'm perusing the site when the heading of a piece looked vaguely familiar... How to Restore Your Intimacy. *arf?* I didn't read the article but took a mental note, gave my computer the side-eye, and kept it moving.  Now, today, back on Facebook, another friend liked a post that made me do a double-take because it was highlighting what intimacy wasn't [sex] and was.  At this point, I'm wondering what the heck is really going on because right about now, I'm not in any relationship to apply said intimacy... unless you consider my relationship with Jesus.

Next up is the one that I found especially amusing.  In poking around the Finding Soulmate Success site, I decided to do the mandatory due diligence on its author, Ronn Elmore, PsyD.  One of his books caught my eye--How to Love a Black Man--so I did a web search on that.  Somehow, one of the results was a website devoted to interracial dating; specifically white men with black women... not sure how that happened but my interest was piqued so I looked around to see what people had to say.  I ended up reading comments about an interview with Robin Thicke on his relationship with Paula Patton.  After that, it was back over to--you guessed it--Facebook where things really got interesting.  One of my girlfriends posted about a movie she recently saw and liked, and tagged me in it.  Guess what it was about... Yup! A black woman falling in love with a white man... Starting to notice a pattern here?  *raised eyebrow*  So I message her asking why I was the only name she tagged and her response was fairly innocent.  But when I told her why I wanted to know, she joked with me that it was a sign that I needed to be more open-minded about finding my soulmate.  Well, I can honestly say that I've never dated a white man simply because, up to this point, one has never approached me.  (I was wrapped up with a bi-racial dude for a while... does that count?)  But real talk, aside from celebrity eye candy or a cute face on the street, there has never been a white guy that I have been genuinely attracted to like that.  Add my African heritage mindset plus my natural preference for 'dark chocolate' even among black men and I think you see where I'm going.  And then there's the socio-cultural disparity that would exist with me dating a white guy... I dunno if God is tryna give me a heads-up or what. 

Welp, at this point, I have anything but confirmation on the happenings above, but thanks for coming along with me for the crazy ride.  It will be interesting to see if anything significant comes of these... it it does, trust me when I say you'll hear it from me!  *sigh*  Never a dull moment...

be blessed,

pVI

Love is an ACTIVE RESPONSIBILITY

I've been revisiting the whole concept of love lately and what I came up with wasn't a ground-breaking discovery; rather, something of a personal revelation.  By now, most people have realized that love is more than just a word or a feeling.  But I contend that that infamous four-letter word is, in fact, an action verb.  Herein is my argument.

LOVE is probably the most over-used 4-letter word in the English language.  I love those shoes!; *ta-da-da-da-daaa* I'm luvin' it!; Can you feel the love?; I love you/him/her!!  So we're faced with a situation in which the strongest [human] emotion has been reduced to a mere cliche... a buzzword.  People throw it around without a second thought, ignorant to the weight of what they are wielding.  Don't believe me?  Just ask my homie, Jesus Christ.

The opportunity to have a personal relationship with God is a direct result of two distinct acts of love. The first one was committed by God Himself [as told in John 3:16]:  For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (emphasis mine).  Next, the same Son given by God--Jesus Christ--enacted the greatest love of all [as told in John 15:13]: Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.  So both the Father and the Son took on the responsibility of expressing true love by performing the actions to back it up--surrendering the most important thing to each of them on behalf of others.

So the next time you use or hear the word love, think about how loaded it actually is.  Ponder how you would prove it.  Are you willing to die for the next person you say "I love you" to?  When someone else says they love you or something, ask them what they would give up to demonstrate that.  It's a legit question since they are openly making a claim of epic proportions (even if they are ignorant about it).

For Christians, the definition of love is provided in 1 Corinthians 13; this also serves as our instruction manual.  The Apostle Paul laid it out like this in verses 4 through 6:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

His wording treats love as a live being but, in my mind, that simply translates to the person who is putting the love into action.  For example: One who loves is patient. One who loves does not envy, boast or is not proud.  One who loves always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. The onus is put on the person who is taking up the responsibility to love by using the word.

I have always been wary of using 'the L-word'.  The first guy I fell in love with was warned in advance that under no circumstances would I tell him that I loved him until I was 110% sure!  If I knew then what I know now about what love truly means, I probably wouldn't have been able to say it at all.  Would I have taken a bullet for him?  When he told me he loved me, was he thinking of the sacrifices that it would require?  Ummm, methinks the answer is NO.  But, if you don't already, please consider the commitment that you are placing upon yourself when you use the word love... that is, only if you really mean it.

be blessed,
pVI

unplugging from 'the Matrix'

...otherwise known as the Internet.

Happy New Year, everybody!! To kick off 2012, I need to fast and focus on spending time with God to receive guidance in major areas of my life. All the time I spend online is a major distraction, sooooo...

Please keep me in your prayers in the meantime.  :o)

God bless
pVI

What about Joseph?

I know that today is supposed to be about Jesus--and rightfully so--but I've been thinking about Joseph.  Earlier today, while watching The Nativity Story, his character (as portrayed in this film) really jumped out at me.  Not to spoil it for those who may not have seen it, but there are a few scenes that really make me admire the [kind of] man Joseph was.

Photo credit: Wikimedia.org

For example, his reaction to Mary's pregnancy was nothing short of remarkable--especially considering that his fiance` was not having his baby! This was even before he was tipped off in a dream, so his true character was one of integrity and compassion.  He wasn't tryna be spiteful and drag Mary's name through the mud, even though he had every right to, and more: the law actually called for her to be stoned to death (for the apparent charge of adultery).

Though I couldn't find corresponding illustrations in the Bible, the movie has an extended scene showing the journey Joseph and Mary took from Nazareth to Bethlehem for the census ordered by King Herod.  He led them through the desert for several days, and he and Mary seemed to bond during that time.  But what really impressed me about the journey was how Joseph put his leadership swag on full blast. He walked until his feet bled and never uttered a complaint. While Mary and the donkey carrying her got rest, he prayed. He fed the family--including the donkey--first and took what was left.  And when Mary went into labor in Bethlehem, he was her doula... mind you, men weren't allowed anywhere near childbirth activity in those days. If these aren't the characteristics of a true man of God, then I don't what else to say!
.

Throughout the movie, I found myself becoming infatuated with Joseph's persona. Don't laugh, I know it sounds corny but it's true!  I was thinking things like "No wonder he was chosen to raise the son of God!"; and "Now THAT is the kind of man that I'm holding out for!"  Seriously, a man of integrity and Godliness is beyond sexy!!  See, for a man like Joseph, the whole wives submit to your husbands* thing immediately becomes a non-issue for me. #truestory  I would trust his judgement without hesitation because he would be completely submitted to God.  And though he would make mistakes, as we all do, I would still receive his leadership because he consistently demonstrates that our family is his top priority.

All of these considerations show me the importance that God places on the cohesive family unit.  Yes, Jesus was God's son but He still ensured that there was a positive father figure in His life on Earth.  Mary could have just been a single mother--which wasn't probable for that day and age, but neither was immaculate conception--yet both parents were chosen to raise Him together.  It's not always possible to do that nowadays; I know, being the product of a single mom.  But thinking about Joseph's role only solidifies my resolve to unite, under the hand of God, with a man who is worthy of starting and raising a family with me.

Christmas blessings ,

pVI

*referenced Scriptures: Ephesians 5:21-23 and Colossians 3:18

Fling Chune FRIDAY: What Shall I Do?

Happy Friday AND Veteran's Day!

I may not agree with the politics of war, but I will always have the utmost respect for those who defend their country with their lives. Veterans: I salute you!

This week was intense in so many ways. I got some positive yet frightening news, and much earlier than I expected to receive it.  I can't get into the details now but I can say that it is related to one of a few steps of faith I took recently.  Once I get more clarity, I'll share the news with you but this definitely has the potential to be a life-changing move on my part.  I'm making some grown decisions, y'all--the kind that can make you or break you.  Of course, I'm praying for guidance and direction but I'm still freaking out because my fragile human mind can't determine what the future holds.  Thankfully, I know who holds the future!

I remember hearing Tramaine Hawkins sing this song on the radio when I was a little girl, but only within the last few days have I been able to embrace the depth of it. So today's chune basically spells out my inner thoughts, to the letter.  With no further ado, here is What Shall I Do.

Be blessed,
pVI


I couldn't find a video of the original studio version, so click here to stream the song: http://www.bing.com/music/songs/search?q=tramaine+hawkins+%22what+shall+i+do%22&selected=CB87D101-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&FORM=DTPMUA

"The Purpose-Driven Life" is now mine

I started this book several years ago but never finished... until this week.  For those who aren't familiar, The Purpose-Driven Life is a 40-day journey that begins on the inside and ends in the manifestation of a changed perspective. Each of 40 chapters is a few pages long and focuses on an aspect of life that is linked to finding one's purpose in Christ. In other words, it throws you for a spiritual, mental and emotional 180... and oh, how I needed it!

In the last 2 months or so, I had been feeling like someone pulled the plug from my spiritual reservoir and everything was draining out of me.  I no longer wanted to pray, I fell back into lustful thought patterns, I would have multiple 'slips of the tongue' while trying to suppress my potential for road rage...yeah, it was that serious.  And everything culminated in a dark cloud over my spirit one night--I'm guessing it was an episode of what clinical depression would feel like--that lasted until the next day.  That's when I cried out to God, begging Him to let me know that He heard me and knew cared that I was alive.  He answered in the form of my friend who called me out of the blue at work, saying that she just felt the need to check on me. *sigh*  I had to fight back tears at that moment because God wanted me to know, in no uncertain terms, that He still had my back.

After that, I felt recharged.  It gave me just enough of a boost to rekindle my desire for Jesus in spirit and in truth.  That just-enough-to-get-by attitude towards my faith wasn't gonna cut it anymore. I wanted more insight on WHY God made me who and am--what on Earth am I here for?  So I reached for something that would help me get my mind right: The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren.

Photo credit: http://ifancy.me

No, this isn't a shameless plug for the book--believe me, I'm not getting paid--but I can honestly say that it's gotten me thinking about my Christian walk in a whole new light.  I started reading this in conjunction with other changes I've been making--being more 'honest' while praying, talking to God more often, listening for His voice and being obedient when I hear it.  I kinda-sorta thought that by the time I finished, I would have this miraculous revelation of who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do but it doesn't actually work like that (not for me, anyway).  But I'm not completely done with the book because on day 40, the last chapter, it instructed me to create a purpose statement for my life.  I haven't started yet--being the procrastinator that I am--but if you've ever had to draft a purpose/mission statement for work or anything else, you know how involved the process is.  I'm gonna have to carve out a chunk of time to at least put a dent in it before the year is out.  In fact, that would be a great way to kick off 2012!

So what did I learn about my life's purpose from reading this book?  I won't give it all away, but here's a biggie: it's NOT about me; it's about God.  You'd think that would be a no-brainer for a Christian, right?  Well, by the time I finish with my purpose statement, I hope to have gotten some greater revelation about the reason why I exist.  And I promise to share... :o)

be blessed,

pVI

Fling Chune FRIDAY: Pray for Me

Happy Friiiidaaaay! Lawd, it's been a ride! I hope all of you had a great past week. :o)

This chune expresses how I've been feeling for a while now--in the need of prayer. Yes, I know I have fam and friends praying for me even when we're not in communication but I feel so distant from them. In fact, I'm working on not feeling so distant from God so it's probably just me. *sigh*

But what's bangin' is that God heard my prayers and this is what He did: earlier this week, my girl called me up and told me that she saw me in a dream and wanted to check in on me. It was during the same time I was having a severe mood swing (don't know if it's possible to have a single attack of depression but that's what it felt like), so I know it was the Holy Spirit that put me on her mind. When I told her what I was going through, she immediately prayed for me and by the time the phone call was over, I felt like a cloud was lifted from over my head! People, don't sleep on the power of prayer!!

So this chune is dedicated to my friend and all those who are keeping their loved ones lifted up in prayer. Please, don't ever let up--it does more than you know!

be blessed!
pVI

*for some reason, YouTube won't let me embed the video so here's the link to Pray for Me by Carmen Michelle*

people SUCK! *rant*

Genesis 6:6 [New International Version (NIV)]

⁶ The LORD regretted that he had made human beings on the earth, and his heart was deeply troubled.

The God in me completely relates to this; I understand why He regretted making humans because I've had just about enough of "us". In the last 48 hours, I've had 3 separate encounters with human beings that have made me want to relocate to another universe. "We" are a buncha self-absorbed, power-hungry, irresponsible shmucks and I've had enough! AAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

God only knows that it's His grace--and concern for making HIM look bad--that kept me from completely popping off on these people... praise the Lord for the anointing of restraint!!

If only I could fast from people! Oh, to be completely alone [with God] and not have to put up with anyone else's flaws but my own--and that's plenty. Lord, please send me a human-proof bubble in which I could envelop myself... to communicate with only You and bask in Your presence. *sigh*